What not to name your baby

We have searched far and wide for the most disastrous baby-naming stories so that you can avoid the pit-falls – as obvious as some of them may be. The following stories might be funny but remember, naming your child is no joke – proceed with caution…

Think about the whole name

Don’t forget to try out the first name alongside the surname – it might seem obvious but clearly some parents forget. A parenting group website TheBabyWebsite.com revealed the stupidity (or sense of humour) of some parents after searching through online telephone records to find the most terrible baby names in the UK. Some of the worst included:

• Justin Case
• Barb Dwyer
• Stan Still
• Terry Bull
• Paige Turner
• Mary Christmas
• Anna Sasin
• Hazel Nutt

Try to take into account future careers:

The parenting group website also found some crackers in America, in particular, a string of job-specific names including Dr Leslie Doctor, Dr Thoulton Surgeon and Les Plack - a dentist in San Francisco.

The middle name is just as important:

Don’t think just because you’ve chosen a delightful first name you can be more playful with the middle names. Let this story be a warning to you...

In 2007 a British girl was given a whopping 25 middle names. Wait it gets worse... the names are in honour of great boxers. Her full name is Autumn Sullivan Corbett Fitzsimmons Jeffries Hart Burns Johnson Willard Dempsey Tunney Schmeling Sharkey Carnera Baer Braddock Louis Charles Walcott Marciano Patterson Johansson Liston Clay Frazier Foreman Brown.

Don’t listen to the celebrities

Celebrities might persuade you to buy that gorgeous dress or that new shampoo but don’t let them influence your choice of baby name. They are too disconnected from the real world and end up naming their children after types of fruit or other inanimate objects.

The trend of bad celebrity baby names is the thought to have started in the 70s when musician Frank Zappa named his children Dweezil, Moon Unit, Ahmet, and Diva Thin Muffin Zappa

Here are the 15 of the weirdest celebrity baby names. Warning – do not take inspiration from this list!

• Bandit Lee (son to Gerard Way, My Chemical Romance)
• Apple: Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow
• Audio Science: Shannyn Sossamon
• Astrella Celeste: Donovan and Linda Lawrence
• Diezel Ky: Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis (also parents to Denim Cole)
• Camera: Arthur Ashe and Jeanne Moutoussamy
• Fifi Trixibell: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates
• Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily: Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence
• Hopper: Sean Penn and Robin Wright
• Jazz Domino: Joe Strummer
• Jermajesty: Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza
• Kal-El Coppola: Nicholas Cage (Kal-El is Superman’s original birth name)
• Moxie CrimeFighter: Penn Jillette (also father to Zolten)
• Moon Unit: Frank Zappa, also father to Dweezil and Diva Muffin
• Satchel: Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee
• Shiloh Nouvel: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Don’t brand your child:

You might have a favourite cereal or car make but that doesn’t mean your child has to be named after it!

In 2003 a report showed that Americans were increasingly turning to brand names to name their children. It turned out that children have been named after L’Oreal, car firm Chevrolet and Armani. Two boys were even called ESPN after the sports channel. 

Numericals are a no-no:

Don’t feel tempted to throw a few numbers into your child’s name - you might think 007 sounds cool but avoid at all costs. In fact, a couple in New Zealand were blocked from naming their son 4Real as it seems that numerals are not allowed on the birth record - luckily for the baby!

Don’t hire a professional

Naming children it seems has become so stressful that parents are turning to professionals and hiring baby-name consultants. We suggest - save your money and ask gran instead.

• One mother spend £325 hiring a numerologist to test her favourite name, Leah Marie, to see if it had positive associations. Turns out it did. 
• One man was advised on the name “Beckett” for his son being told that the “C-K” sound is regarded well in corporate circles citing Kodak and Coca-Cola as examples.
• A nameologist who charges up to £350 for a 'package' helped a beautician and mother of two choose the names Ross and Natalie by providing history, linguistic origins and personality traits.

Remember your child can always change it:

If you have a cruel sense of humour and want to name your child after something ridiculous like your favourite flavour of ice-cream just remember that as soon as they get old enough they may well go and change it.

A judge in New Zealand has allowed a 9-year-old girl to change her name – “Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii”. She called herself ‘K’ and never revealed her true name. Other names have also been blocked through court including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenen Got Lucy and Sex Fruit.

Think about the consequences:

It seems that the impact of a name can be worse than you might expect. Research from Shippensburg University in America suggested that the more unpopular a name, the more likely the person is to go to juvenile hall. The research showed that a 10% increase in the popularity of a name is associated with a 3.7% decrease in the number of juvenile delinquents who have that name.

So if it makes you laugh... that's probably a reason to avoid it!

What terrible baby names have you heard? Do you have any advice for other mums on what to avoid? Go to our baby naming forums to discuss.