How to stop your crying

It’s distressing to hear, but it’s perfectly normal. When your baby cries she’s just trying to let you know that something isn’t right. Here’s how to stop those tears

Crying is your baby’s first and (and most effective) means of communication. She’s trying to tell you something – that she’s hungry, perhaps, or thirsty, bored or in pain.

Crying tugs at our heart strings – and that’s what it’s designed to do. In fact, research shows that when we hear a baby crying, it raises our stress hormones and makes us instinctively want to respond.

Studies have also found that, within hours of giving birth, you learn to recognize your own baby’s cry from others’ and have a heightened response mechanism to it.
It can take time to work out what your baby’s cries mean, especially in the early days.

It’s best to go to your baby quickly – the longer she cries, the longer it can take to stop – and staying calm and relaxed will help her feel secure and settle more quickly.

The first thing to think about is whether she’s hungry or thirsty, as this is the most common cause of crying in young babies. If feeding doesn’t work, here are some of the best ways to soothe her:

1 Change her nappy Babies hate to be left in a dirty or wet nappy (not surprising really) – and if you don’t change her regularly, it will trigger nappy rash which will make her scream even louder. If she has a sore bottom, let her spend some time nappy-free whenever possible.

2 Check she’s not too hot or too cold Young babies can’t regulate their own temperature, so do check she’s not too hot or too cold. The best way to do this is by feeling her stomach – as a general rule, it should feel warm but not hot or clammy.

Overheating is very dangerous for your baby, so dress her lightly if it’s warm – the ideal room temperature should be around 18 degree celsius (68degree fahrenheit). Always strip off her outdoor clothes when you come in from outside, even if it means waking her up.

3 Cuddle her This is often all she needs! You are your baby’s favourite person and she’ll feel most secure when she’s as close to you as possible.

4 Swaddle her Your newborn can feel insecure if she’s not cosy – after all, she’s been tucked up inside you for the last nine months. Swaddling your baby (wrapping her firmly in a sheet or cot blanket) may help her relax.

The Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths says that if you do decide to swaddle your baby, you should use thin materials, keep your baby's head uncovered, take care what other bedding and clothing you use, and make sure that your baby doesn’t get hot and sweaty.

5 Burp her Make sure she’s not suffering from wind – especially if she has recently been fed. Take time to wind her thoroughly by placing her on your shoulder and gently rubbing or patting her back. You can also try laying her over your lap or forearm and rubbing her back.

6 Rock her A rocking motion can stimulate ‘feel-good’ chemicals called endorphins, which have a calming effect. Motion of any kind can be very soothing: try carrying her around in her sling, pushing her in her pram – even taking her for a drive in the car.

7 Put her to bed Your baby will cry when she’s tired – especially if she’s had lots of stimulation and can’t switch off. If you think she’s tired, take her somewhere calm and quiet so she can settle down, then let her fall asleep – she may need to be left to cry for a while, but leave her for a minute or two and try to let her settle herself.

8 Play something rhythmic Regular repetitive sounds – like that of your heartbeat when your baby was in the womb – can have a calming effect. Invest in a CD of ‘womb music’, such as Music of the womb by Simon Cooper (£9.99, available from simoncooper.com).

You can also play gentle songs, sing lullabies, place a ticking clock nearby or make a cassette of ‘white noise’ – the washing machine, hairdryer or vacuum cleaner – which has also been known to calm some babies.

9 Let her suck Whether it’s your (clean!) finger, her thumb, or a dummy, it can work wonders. It’s thought that the way a baby moves her mouth muscles when sucking on your breast or a bottle may stimulate the release of soothing chemicals called endorphins in your baby’s brain.

10 Massage her Skin contact can make babies feel loved and secure, and if your baby enjoys being stroked, massage can be very calming. Try simple techniques like rubbing her back, stomach, arms and legs in a firm but gentle way. If she continues to cry, stop. Wait until she’s more settled.

11 Introduce a comforter Some babies are soothed by the familiar smell of a soft cloth – often a muslin that’s used during feeds, one of your t-shirts, or a soft toy can do the trick.

12 Give her a bath Sometimes a warm bath can instantly calm an irritable baby, or try taking a warm shower together.

13 Take her out Even if it’s dark, a trip outdoors for some fresh air can quickly change a baby’s mood.

14 Check how you breastfeed… If she’s crying at the breast, make sure she has most of your nipple in her mouth, and that her nose is free of the breast and isn’t blocked. Sometimes changing feeding position – sitting up, lying down – can help.

Or maybe there’s too little milk, in which case you need to feed more frequently. Consult your health visitor, GP or NCT counsellor for help.

15 …and bottlefeed Babies who are bottlefed may swallow air from the bottle – try feeding her in a different position, or using specially designed bottles and teat to reduce the amount of air swallowed during a feed. If she’s unhappy when feeding, try changing the teat – maybe the milk is flowing too slowly or too fast.

16 Let her chew on something If your baby is teething, she may cry more than usual. Give her something to chew on, such as a cold carrot or chilled (not frozen) teething toy. Rubbing your finger along her gums with ginger or applying a small amount of teething gel may also help.

17 Look at your diet If you’re breastfeeding, certain foods – like spicy foods, high-fibre grains, caffeine, milk products – can cause wind and restlessness. Keep a chart of what you’ve been eating and when, cut out the suspect foods for a week or so then introduce them one at a time to find the culprit.

18 Look at her diet Occasionally, some babies have a bad reaction to food and irritability can be a symptom. If you’ve started weaning your baby and are concerned that she may have an allergy or intolerance, talk to your doctor or health visitor.

19 Try a complementary therapy Both osteopathy and homeopathy claim to help calm fretful babies. An osteopath works on calming down the baby’s nervous system using gentle manual techniques; a homeopath prescribes a remedy to reduce or cure the problem.

For more information contact the General Osteopathic Council (020 7357 6655, osteopathy.org.uk) and the British Homeopathic Association (0870 4443950, trusthomeopathy.org)

Is it colic?

Between three and 14 weeks, some babies start crying loudly and continuously every evening, sometimes for hours. This is known as colic, and other symptoms include curling up her legs, as if her tummy is hurting.

The cause is unknown although some experts say it may be down to trapped wind, or an immature gut adjusting to digestion, so try laying her on her stomach over your forearm and gently rocking her or rubbing her back as well as other techniques listed here.

Ask your pharmacist about over-the-counter remedies for colic. Avoid over-stimulating her, and bear in mind that colic passes by three or four months.

Warning

Constant crying can be a sign of illness or infection. Babies with ear infections, for example, often cry a lot. If you suspect your baby is unwell, give your doctor, midwife or health visitor a call straightaway.

Meanwhile, if she has a temperature above 38C, give her the recommended dose of liquid paracetemol and take off some layers to help keep her cool.

De-coding common cries

There are many reasons why babies cry – and it may take time to recognise what each cry means. Common cries include:

‘I’m hungry’ – often starts slowly as a fuss then builds up to a loud rhythmic cry.
‘I’m in pain’ – usually a sharp high-pitched scream, followed by a brief period when the baby holds her breath or gasps for air.

‘I want attention’ – often starts with fretting, then builds up to bursts of crying interspersed with smiles or vocalising to get your attention.

Help for you

Serene Helpline

08451 228669