Your child's confidence and character

We discover how your little one’s confidence and character develop over the first two years

0-6 months      

Your baby may enter the world naked, but she’s far from being a blank slate. From the moment she’s conceived, she’s a totally unique mixture of the myriad different genes from both you and your partner’s families.

Even before she’s born, the experiences your baby has while in your tummy subtly influence her character; a calm, stress-free pregnancy and a gentle birth will help to create a peaceful baby.

Once she’s born, your little bundle of muddled genes and vague impressions may have no concept of who she is for now, but her personality and temperament will soon start to show through. Some babies are excitable, some are placid and seem to sleep all day, some are easy, some ‘difficult’.

But bear in mind that these labels can be linked to your own expectations and may become self-fulfilling prophecies  – so tell her what a good baby she is. Even at this stage, she’ll pick up on the positive vibes and behave accordingly.

6-12 months

At around six months, your baby begins to gain a sense of independence. She realises she’s a separate being from you, and that she has an effect on the things and people around her. She may even start to recognise her own name.

As her memory and awareness of her environment develops, her character will increasingly be shaped by her experiences. She can understand by now that some behaviour is unacceptable; creating boundaries will give her a sense of security. But don’t expect ‘perfect behaviour’ – testing these boundaries is her way of learning about the world.

At this stage, your baby may well start to experience ‘separation anxiety’. Annoying though this clinginess can be (remember the days when you could go to the loo without a small person hanging off you?), it shows that she understands how important you are to her.

While some babies appear to be naturally more sociable and fearless than others, forming a close attachment with your little one in her first year is vital for giving her the confidence to head off on her own when the time comes. If she feels she has a secure base to return to, she won’t be afraid to venture away from it.

12-18 months

As she becomes increasingly mobile, your tot’s able to explore more and her development will speed up rapidly. She’s keen to prove her independence through small steps like feeding herself and refusing to be put in her pram or car seat.

Patterns of behaviour and thinking are starting to be set by now and, by her first birthday, you’ll already have a pretty good idea of what your little one’s personality will be like, as well as her likes and dislikes.

Look around your tot’s playgroup and you’ll notice her little friends have quite different and clearly defined characters. One may be boisterous and aggressive, another chatty and sociable, still another happy to play silently on his own.

But don’t be surprised if these characteristics mirror those of their mums or dads pretty closely – studies have shown that most of us are doomed to become rather like our parents!

18 months +

As she nears her second birthday, your tot will have a pretty clear idea of who she is and what she wants – and she’s not afraid to vocalise her wishes. The dreaded temper tantrums that emerge around this time may be trying for you, but they’re also a sign of her growing independence.

Try to see things from her point of view – she knows exactly what she wants to wear, eat and do, and it’s not surprising that she gets frustrated when she can’t achieve her goals on her own.

While she may appear to be more of a mini-adult than a baby these days, she still needs masses of affection and attention, as well as security and familiarity – which is why things like alterations to her regular routine, or your unexplained absence, can cause meltdown.

It’s impossible to know exactly how much of your tot’s emerging personality is down to nature and how much is nurture, but children undoubtedly learn a huge amount by example – so if you’re a happy, confident, kind and loving mum, chances are your tot will be too.