How to get through the first few weeks

The start of motherhood can be tough going – but with our guide we know you’ll come through smiling…

Having a new baby is incredibly exciting but it can be exhausting and overwhelming too. Those hectic early days are a testing time but they won’t last forever – so make the most of them.

Be realistic

Babies can disrupt the most organised household so take each day as it comes. Accept you’ll feel tired and emotional at times and don’t set unrealistic targets. Getting dressed by lunchtime may feel like a major achievement (and if you’d rather stay in your pjs all day, why not?).

Easy does it

Everyone from your mum to your midwife will tell you to sleep when your baby sleeps. Chances are you’ll do the washing up instead, or ring a friend to thank her for her new baby card, or even pay the gas bill.

But a rested mum is more capable of coping with the demands of a new baby, so rest when you can or go to bed early – 9.30 bedtimes, mean more night-time slumber!

Feeding time

Choosing how to feed your baby is your decision. Evidence shows that breast is best but it doesn’t come naturally to every mum. ‘Don’t expect breastfeeding to be plain sailing,’ says Sue Kitchin, National Childbirth Trust breastfeeding counsellor. ‘It’s a bit like learning to drive a car and we all need lessons. Accept it will take time, try to relax and don’t be afraid to ask for help.’ Your midwife or health visitor will be able to put you in touch with a local breastfeeding counsellor.

Please help!

You don’t have to be Superwoman. Accept offers of help and suggest what people can do for you – cook a meal, do some washing or get the vacuum cleaner out when they come to visit. You’re not expected to cope with everything alone. Do as little housework as possible and prioritise. Spending precious time with your new baby is more important.

Don’t forget about you

Labour isn’t called labour for nothing. It’s hard work and takes recovery time. ‘Be kind to yourself and slow down’ says Juliet Goddard, NCT post-natal tutor. ‘People expect to get back to normal far too fast.’ If you’ve had stitches, try arnica cream to help with the bruising and add a few drops of lavender oil to your bath. Even a 10-minute soak will help soothe your body and give you well-deserved time-out. And don’t forget to go for your six-week check-up as it’ll reassure you that everything is normal for both you and your baby.

Visiting permits

You’ve got a new baby so of course you want to show her off, but don’t underestimate how tiring visitors can be. Try to limit the amount in the first few days and put people off if you don’t feel up to it – they will understand. It’s not as if your baby is going away anywhere so there’s no rush. Make sure you keep your answer machine switched on at all times!

Baby blues

Most new mums experience the post-baby blues a few days or weeks after giving birth. ‘Many mums suddenly feel in bits – tearful, anxious and unable to cope – but these feelings are normal,’ says health visitor, Jane Harrison. If your symptoms last longer than a few days, talk to your health visitor or GP. Occasionally blues develop into post-natal depression, which affects about 10 per cent of new mums, but help is available.

Mother love

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t fall in love with your baby instantly, or you resent your newborn for the demands she’s making on you. It takes time to get over labour, mentally and physically, and for many new mums it takes time to get to know their baby. But it will happen and you soon won’t be able to imagine life without her.

Out and about

First trips with your newborn will feel like organising a military operation but they get easier. Keep first outings short and on foot – you’re likely to feel protective of your tiny baby, so stay away from busy roads and huge shopping centres. You’ll feel part of the outside world again and will gain confidence to venture further afield. Feed baby before you leave so you’ve got time before milk’s on the menu again and be prepared – take a changing bag to cover all eventualities! 

All you need is friends

Try and make friends in the same situation. You will feel more human knowing you’re not the only one surviving on four hours’ sleep a night. If you don’t already have a support network of mums, try contacting MAMA (Meet a Mum Association) or call the NCT to find your nearest branch (numbers below).

Listen here

Listen to advice but be selective. ‘Everyone has something to say about newborns,’ says midwife, Lucy Pearsall from Hinching Brooke NHS Trust, ‘but there’s no such thing as an average baby and what works for one mum might not work for you. Some babies cry more often and sleep less than others. It’s not your fault – they’re just made that way. It just takes time to get to know your own baby.’

Daddy cool

You’ve suddenly got a new love in your life but you’ve still got to find time for your partner. Accept that your relationship will change for a while and try to make him feel involved. Why not put him in charge of bath-time and use it as a chance to rest? If you feel unsupported, make time to talk to him when he gets home from work and explain how you’re feeling. You’re in this together and both need time to adjust. It might seem as though he has it easy going out to work every day, but remember his life’s changed too.

Always on your mind

You may not have been prepared for the worry that comes with motherhood – is your baby feeding enough, is she still breathing and should her poo really be that colour? It’s completely normal and the anxious feelings will get better with time. Your midwife and health visitor are there to answer your questions, however big or small, so keep a pad handy to jot them down. Don’t expect to remember them – your memory won’t be quite what it used to be!

The smile on your face

‘The first six weeks are definitely the hardest,’ says health visitor Jane Harrison from Huntingdonshire Primary Care Trust. ‘You’re exhausted, life has changed beyond recognition and you seem to do little else but feed, change and comfort your newborn. But before long you’ll begin to feel a little more confident in your new job, your baby may be settling into a routine and she may well have smiled. Suddenly all those sleepless nights will seem worthwhile.’

Advice and organisations

National Childbirth Trust Breastfeeding line: 0870 444 8708 

National Childbirth Trust: 0870 444 8707

MAMA (Meet a Mum Association) 020 8771 5595