Newborn DIY: Build Your Own Support Network

Making the most of the people around you in the first six weeks

You’ve finally got your gorgeous newborn home…but now what?! Those first few weeks as new parents are scary for even the best prepared among us. And if you’re a single mum, or live miles from your closest friends and family, it might feel like you’re destined to struggle on alone. But one of the key things you can do to make the experience ten times easier, and less overwhelming, is to make sure you have a good support network.


‘Your relationships with other people are crucial in those early weeks,’ says relationship expert Gladeana MacMahon. ‘Whether it’s professionals whose job it is to support you, someone who’s been through it before, or even just someone to listen while you rant about how tired you are.’


It isn’t always that easy though.

Here are the nine key people you can (and should!) lean on for support and how you can help them to help you.

1. You

It’s really quite simple: you must take care of yourself – your baby needs you and you’re no good to him if you’re starving, sleep-deprived and stressed out. Unlike any of the other people in your support network, your priority must be to make as few demands on yourself as possible.

Do everything necessary to take care of your baby and then stop and rest. The ironing/dinner/thank you cards can all wait, or be done by someone else.
Making the most of you: ‘A friend told me to stagger family stays during the first month so that I had constant help,’ says Lindsay Cole, 28, mum to Isabella, 11 months. ‘It meant I bonded with Issy while my family did all the everyday things.’

2. Your partner

Your partner is called ‘your partner’ for a reason – you’re a team, so work like one. Try to divide up all the baby-related chores so that you’re not doing everything yourself – and delegate some of the tasks you used to do, whether it’s the washing, putting the rubbish out, cleaning the bath – that’s what ‘partners’ are for.

Make the most of them: ‘The key factor in any relationship, especially a relationship dealing with the stress of a new baby, is communication,’ says Gladeana. ‘Men aren’t very good at picking up on hints so when you want him to do something, ask.

You’re doing him a favour – the worst thing you could make him feel at this time is left out while you try and cope single-handedly.’

3. Your Community Midwife

Visiting you for the first time a day or so after you leave hospital, it’s her job to keep an eye on you for around 10 days after the birth. ‘I had lots of support from my partner, mum and mother in law, but knowing I had a professional at the end of the phone whenever I needed her was so reassuring,’ says Debbie Steeles, 24, mum to Naomi, nine months.

Make the most of them: She won’t always visit every day but she’ll give you a phone number to contact her on if you need her outside of hours. Use it! You can also try making a list of questions as they arise to keep for her visits – you’ll never remember them all otherwise!

4. Your Health visitor

A health visitor’s role is to give you information and support. She’ll usually visit you at home, once a week for XX weeks, after your midwife has discharged you, and is the person who’ll let you know when baby clinic sessions are and when you can bring your baby for immunisations. ‘Talk to us,’ says health visitor Jackie Walsh. ‘It’s hard for us to work out who’s coping and who isn’t if all anyone says is ‘I’m fine, I’m fine.’
Make the most of them: ‘Tell us if you’d rather we came back sooner next time, or if you’d us like to sit with you while you breastfeed. That’s what we’re there for,’ says Jackie.

5. Breastfeeding expert

If you’ve made the decision to breastfeed, then you’ll probably need a bit of extra support, as it doesn’t always come easily. The good news is that there is support out there; you just need to know where to get it. Great places to start are your midwife or health visitor, but if you’re still struggling why not try:

- La Leche League, 0845 120 2918, laleche.org.uk

- National Childbirth Trust, 0870 444 8708

Make the most of them: Make the most of the help at hand, but also pin the numbers we’ve given you by the phone and tell yourself you won’t hesitate to call them if you need to.

Help – even just reassurance - is only ever a phone call away. You can also be visited/seen by some NCT breastfeeding counsellors. Or why not get a home visit from a lactation consultant. Lots of women say it’s the best thing they ever did.

6. Your mum

She’s been there, she’s done it, and you were sick all over her T-shirt, just like your newborn will be over yours. Whether you’re best pals or have a more tricky relationship, involving her in some way – any way! – is better than not.

Make the most of them: Ask her to help out by doing something practical. ‘My mum and mother in law were fantastic at making meals for us in the weeks after Faye was born.  Whether they came and cooked, or just dropped a casserole round, they made sure we ate well without any of the stress of having to shop and cook for ourselves,’ says Lesley Deacon, mum to Faye 14, weeks.

7. The ‘Already-A-Mum’ Friend

‘My neighbour, who I’d never really known before, already had children when Sam was born and as a result we’ve become fantastic friends.  She was always on hand to reassure me and share advice – I don’t know what I’d have done without her,’ says Emma Smith, mum to Sam, two, and Grace, nine months.

Make the most of them: Keep up with ‘mum’ friends regularly – even just for a cup of coffee or a walk in the park. Realising you’re not alone is a vital part of staying sane as a new mum, and taking advice from someone who’s already been through out – and come out sane the other side – is invaluable.

8. A Brand-New-Mum Friend

You’ll probably be surprised by how quickly you make friends with other mums – at times it’ll feel like they’re only other person on earth who understands what you’re going through. If you’re worried about not knowing anyone in the same boat, try joining your local NCT group.

See nct.org.uk for details of groups in your area.

Make the most of them: Embrace technology – email and SMS text was made for keeping up with other new mums. Like you, they won’t have time for long phone calls and may have to cancel meet ups at a moment’s notice, but the two seconds it takes to send a text/email can be a lifesaver.

‘At 3am one morning when Harry wouldn’t settle at all, I emailed everyone in my NCT group to say ‘Anyone else awake?’ and immediately got a response…and the technique she suggested for holding Harry settled him straight away. I could have hugged the computer!’ says Stephanie, mum to Harry 8 weeks.

9. Your GP

Finding a GP you can trust, and whom you can regularly get to see, can be hugely reassuring in those first six weeks. As well as having someone to trust with your baby’s health, your own health needs looking after too. Infections and colds etc are more common that you’d think after the birth.

Make the most of them: As with your midwife, take a list of questions with you – you’re bound to have more than one to ask.

Make it even stronger - other useful support network contacts

Your supermarket deliveryman

Supermarket Delivery Services - ‘One of the most crucial developments of the last ten years for new mums,’ according to Jackie. At the very least get them to deliver bulky items.

NHS Direct – ‘another godsend for new mums,’ says Jackie. Available 24 hours a day, your call will be answered by a trained nurse who will either offer you the appropriate advice for your query, arrange for another medical professional to call you back, or tell you that you need to go to A&E/contact your GP. 0845 4647, nhsdirect.nhs.uk

Lovefilm.com – you won’t be going out much so enjoy the time you have in.

Motherandbabymagazine.com – visit the message boards and chat rooms for instant advice from other mums, any time of the day and night.