How to be your baby’s favourite playmate

Struggling to entertain your tot? Forget flashy toys and expensive playgroups – playing with your baby is easier than you think

Victoria Bonavero is exhausted. But it’s not from juggling motherhood and a career, or from dealing with her newborn’s sleepless nights. Rather, it’s from trying to keep up with her two-year-old daughter Luisa’s hectic social life.

‘On Mondays, she goes to music class, and on Tuesdays, it’s mother and toddler group,’ sighs Victoria, 33, from London. ‘We have Wednesdays off, but there’s another toddler group on Thursday, and swimming lessons on Friday. I worked 50-hour weeks as a PA before I had Luisa, but life is far more exhausting now.’

Play is big business these days. Browse the internet and you’ll find all manner of classes for babies and toddlers, from swimming to singing to sign language; pick up any mail order catalogue and your mind will boggle at the ever expanding range of increasingly sophisticated toys. And rightly so, says Dr Pat Spungin, a psychologist specialising in child development.

‘Play is work for children – it’s how they learn about the world,’ she explains. ‘Take a game of Peekaboo, for example. When you hide your face and then pop back out again, your baby is learning about constancy – the concept that something exists even if she can’t see it. Play is the basis of a lot of education, even when you don’t realise it.’

Too much, too soon?

So playtime is an important part of the day for every child. But is it really necessary to rush your tot from music class to swimming pool to toddler group? Or have we mums forgotten that the simplest games are often the best?

‘There’s certainly nothing wrong with formal play, like toddler groups and classes,’ says Dr Spungin. ‘Children enjoy activities like these, and they give mums a chance to meet.’ There are other advantages, too.

Many group activities have an educational basis, so your tot will learn about music, language or movement as well as having fun. She’ll learn how to socialise, and sitting still and paying attention in a group setting is good practise for starting school.

But you can have too much of a good thing, as Victoria realises. ‘Luisa generally enjoys all her activities, but sometimes she becomes whingey and doesn’t want to join in,’ she admits. ‘And it’s not unusual for her to have a tantrum on the way home, because she’s so tired.’

Rushing your child from activity to activity can mean you run the risk of over-stimulating her, agrees Dr Spungin. ‘Children very quickly go from excited and stimulated to grouchy and irritable. They need wind-down time, and when they’re getting crotchety, the worst thing you can do is try to stimulate them more and make them laugh.’

And, of course, the pressure to play can take its toll on us mums. Formal activities are expensive – in terms of both time and money. Flashy new toys won’t help your bank balance, either.

But if we try to step off the treadmill, we end up feeling guilty. ‘I wouldn’t take Luisa to half as many groups if it weren’t for my friends,’ says Victoria. ‘They all do it, which makes me feel like I should, too, or Luisa will miss out.’

A simple start

In truth, fun though organised activities may be for your tot, they’re not a patch on the games you can play together at home. After all, you’re the centre of her life, and her favourite playmate. So what should we be doing?

‘The most important thing about play is that it’s interactive,’ says Dr Spungin. ‘Babies and toddlers can play by themselves, but it’s more fun if both of you are actively involved. It’s a way of relating to each other, having a nice time together and helping her learn.’

It’s never too early to start playing with your tot. In fact, those first games often come naturally. Playing Peekaboo with your baby while you’re changing her nappy, poking your tongue out and making funny faces, bouncing her on your knee, blowing raspberries on her tummy… they all count.

Simple games like these, silly though they may seem, are already teaching your little one important lessons. She learns that it feels funny when you tickle her, and that even if you’re hiding, you’re still there really. When she starts copying the funny faces you pull at her, you’ll have proof that she’s watching and learning.

Moving on up

As your tot gets older, her ability to play – and learn – is developing all the time. Has she started throwing a toy out of her highchair, waiting for you to pick it up, then throwing it back down again?

It might drive you mad, but she’s learning how to handle objects, boosting her motor skills and understanding how cause-and-effect relationships work.

Play becomes more sophisticated as your little one enters her toddler years. Not only can she now run around, clap her hands and kick a ball, but her imagination is developing too.

From around two or three years, you can start playing games of make-believe – perhaps she’ll be ‘Mummy’, and you’ll be the baby. ‘She’s rehearsing social roles and developing her imagination and a sense of creativity,’ says Dr Spungin.

The games you play with your toddler will help her learn all about the world. Letting her fill containers with different substances, like sand, rice or water, will help her learn about weight and mass, for example.

You can also start to play simple word games together, singing action songs and playing I Spy. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t get it at first – hearing the words over and over again and learning to fill in the blanks you leave will boost her language development.

Before long, you’ll begin to get a sense of your tot’s favourite types of play. Perhaps she likes nothing better than haring around the park, or maybe she’s happiest snuggling up with a book. It’s nice to indulge in her favourite pastime, but try not to neglect other games.

She needs a variety of play to boost her skills, from language to science to motor ability, so make sure that your little bookworm goes out puddle-jumping every now and then, or that your budding Kelly Holmes sometimes sits down quietly with a book.

Learning to be independent 

Feel a bit daft singing nonsense songs or crawling round on the floor playing cats and dogs? It may not come naturally at first, but the squeals of enjoyment from your tot will be so rewarding that you’ll soon stop worrying about how daft you look.

Interactive play is by far the best kind of play, but you don’t have to make silly noises or wear funny hats all day – playing is also about learning to be independent.

* Let your little one take control – she learns by getting things wrong, so stand back and let her experiment. ‘A lot of parents feel that there’s an objective to be achieved. For example, if they’re doing a puzzle with their child, they end up showing them where to put the pieces, but your tot needs to learn for herself,’ says Dr Spungin.

* Let her play alongside you, and copy whatever you’re doing. ‘Children love being busy, and often, are just happy for you to be busy with them,’ she explains. So if you’re cooking, give her a bowl and spoon of her own, and let her do some mixing.

If you’re writing a letter, sit her at the table with you with crayons and paper and she can ‘write’ to Granny at the same time.’ It’s a win-win situation – you get the chores done without feeling like you’re losing your marbles, and she gets the benefit of your company and attention.

‘Mummy, I’m bored…’

It’s tempting to think that being a good mum means filling every minute with a different, exciting activity. But it’s just as important for your tot to learn to entertain herself.

‘If you drop everything the minute she says she’s bored, she won’t learn how to amuse herself,’ warns Dr Spungin. ‘It’s fine to put some toys out and let her entertain herself sometimes.’

Not only will over-stimulating your child mean she finds it hard to entertain herself in future, but it could also lead to bedtime tantrums. All children need quiet time, and although you might think she’ll thrive on a daily diet of non-stop excitement, it’s a recipe for burn-out.

You may feel guilty for not entertaining her every waking minute, but being a good playmate means teaching her to enjoy her own company. She’ll have as much fun tearing pages out of a catalogue or pulling up grass in the park as she would at the latest baby Picasso art and craft group.

So let her amuse herself every now and then – you’ll both reap the benefits.

Top tot games

Age 0-6 months

Game Baby sit-ups. When she can hold her head up, lay her on her back on the floor and gently pull her into a sitting position by her hands, saying ‘boo!’ when she’s upright

Why it’s great She’ll enjoy interacting with you, and it’ll strengthen her back and neck muscles

Age 0-6 months

Game Pat-a-cake, Round and Round the Garden, etc. Show her how to clap her hands at the end

Why it’s great It encourages her awareness of her hands and gives her an early lesson in language

Age 6-12 months

Game Row, Row, Row the Boat. Sit your baby on your lap and, holding her hands, rock her backwards and forwards as you sing

Why it’s great She’ll develop her sense of balance as you rock and bounce her on your lap, and will learn more about language

Age 6-12 months

Game In the bag. Fill a bag (not a plastic carrier) with a variety of baby-safe items – a rattle, a soft toy, some building blocks etc. Let her empty the bag then fill it up again

Why it’s great It introduces her to simple concepts like ‘empty’ and ‘full’, ‘soft’ and ‘hard’, and improves her hand-eye co-ordination as she handles different objects

Age 12-18 months

Game Hide and seek – under the bed sheets first thing in the morning, or behind the sofa when you’re playing in the house

Why it’s great She’ll begin to understand object constancy – the idea that just because she can’t see something, doesn’t mean it’s no longer there

Age 12-18 months

Game Tea party. Buy a pretend tea set and host a party in the garden for your little one’s dolls and teddies

Why it’s great Pouring ‘tea’ (or water) teaches her about volume and tests her co-ordination, and entertaining her teddies boosts her social skills

Age 18 months +

Game Treasure hunt. Go out for a walk round the park and get your tot to collect objects from a list – a big, smooth stone; a feather; a pine cone

Why it’s great It helps her object recognition, gives her some physical exercise and picking things up improves her dexterity and gets her used to shapes and textures

Age18 months +

Game Shopkeepers. Set up a ‘shop’ on the kitchen table with pieces of fruit and tins from the cupboard. Get your tot to be the shopkeeper and find what you want to ‘buy’

Why it’s great She’ll learn about social roles and what different foods look like, and handling tins and boxes improves her hand-eye co-ordination