Get your baby into a sleep routine

Being a baby is great, isn’t it? If she’s tired, she sleeps. If she’s hungry, she wakes up, cries and someone feeds her. If she can’t drop off again afterwards, that same someone rocks her until she does. But what about you? You’ve got bags under your eyes because you’ve got no-one to rock you back to sleep! You need help – now.

Getting your baby into a sleep routine will save your sanity. ‘About 80% of sleep problems are caused by your baby being unable to fall asleep on her own,’ says M&B’s health visitor Jackie Walsh. Whichever routine you go for, it should teach your baby to differentiate between night and day, train her to settle herself and help you all get a good night.

Jackie believes bedtime routines help your baby develop good sleep habits for life:

‘The best way to help her understand that night is the time to sleep is to make it different from the day,’ she explains. Decide on a suitable time for bed, then work out a simple routine – for example bath, pyjamas, feed, cot – so your baby learns that this pattern signals sleep time.

It’s not unusual for your baby to wake during the night, and sometimes she’ll need feeding or changing. But if she does, do it quickly and quietly so she realises night-time isn’t play time.

Often, your baby will cry simply because you’re not there. ‘She may feel insecure and need to be rocked or fed to sleep,’ says Jackie. With a sleep routine in place, your baby will gradually learn to drop off to sleep again by herself.

Is this the right time?

Newborn

She’s too young for a strict sleep routine just yet. Her stomach can’t hold enough milk to keep her going through the night, so don’t ignore her cries – she’s hungry. You can start a bedtime routine, though, to help her learn the difference between day and night.

6 weeks

Well, she’s old enough to learn how to fall asleep without being rocked or fed, so if she drops off in your arms, wake her before you put her to bed – she needs to get used to going to sleep on her own.

3 months

Your baby may now start to sleep through, so of you hear her during the night, don’t pick her up too quickly – she might settle again by herself.

6 months

This is the age that experts agree your baby is capable of sleeping for a nine-hour stretch (you may not agree!). Your baby’s sleep may improve once she starts weaning, and cutting down on daytime naps can also help (but don’t let her get overtired).

12 months

By now, she should sleep through most nights. Keep her evenings calm and avoid late naps – if she get overtired, bring bedtime forward.

Get ready

Your baby isn’t the only one who needs to be ready to start a sleep routine – you need be, too. ‘Sleep routines are hard work and you must be committed,’ says Jackie. The first few days will be stressful – most routines involve leaving your baby to cry, so steel yourself before you start.

Talk to your health visitor before you start. As well as checking that your baby is well (you should never leave your poorly baby to cry) she can give you advice on following a sleep strategy and help you choose one to suit you.

Before you start, think about your goals. Be realistic – if your baby still needs a feed at night, accept that you’ll still get up for her. And decide on your boundaries – for example, if your baby wakes at 6am, you may think this is an acceptable time and not try to get her back to sleep.

Discuss your planned routine with your partner so you’re following the same rules. You’ll need support yourself, so make sure he, or a good friend, is around to comfort and encourage you. You might also want to tell your neighbours what you’re doing so they’re not alarmed if your baby cries more than usual!

Once you’ve decided to go for it, set a start date and stick to it. Be sensible, though – if you’ve just gone back to work, are moving house or are on your own while your partner’s away, put it off until everything’s back to normal.

The kiss-and-retreat sleep plan

This is the routine recommended by M&B’s health visitor Jackie Walsh. It teaches your baby to go to sleep on her own and is suitable from six months.

How to do it

• Before you start, establish a bedtime routine. Jackie suggests bath, milk, story and then bed.

• On the the first evening, lay your baby in her cot while she’s still awake. Say goodnight, give her a kiss and leave the room.

• If she cries, don’t go to her immediately. Set a time you feel comfortable with – say two or three minutes – and then go in. Settle her by stroking her face and giving her a kiss, but don’t pick her up. Then leave again.

• If she cries again, leave it slightly longer – maybe five minutes this time – before going back in.

• Each time she cries, wait a few minutes longer before you go in and give her the minimum amount of attention you can to settle her – don’t ‘reward’ her for not sleeping.

• If she wakes in the night, follow exactly the same routine.

• For every night you follow the routine, increase the amount of time you leave your baby to cry. But don’t be too hard on yourself – if you can’t listen to her cry for more than 30 seconds, make that your limit at first.

What’s great about it

Jackie guarantees that this plan works. ‘You have to stick to it, but I’ve never known it fail,’ she says. And, it can have results in as little as three nights. Unlike some routines, you can go in and see her every few minutes, which reassures her that you haven’t gone away, and lets you know she’s not harming herself. And you can set your own limits – if one minute is all you can manage, fine.

What’s not great about it

You need to be committed – it can be difficult to follow the routine every single time your baby wakes during the night, especially when you’re shattered and at breaking point. Be prepared for the guilt of listening to her cry, and sleepless nights going in and out of her room until she learns to settle herself (but it should only be three or so nights, for a lifetime’s sleeping through!).

 Mums like you

‘The first night of kiss-and-retreat was difficult. I was dreading the second night, but Ben got the message and slept through. I’m finally getting a full night’s sleep – and it’s fabulous.’

Joanne Summers, mum to Ben, six months

Mums like you

‘Getting your baby into a routine is about perseverance and a supportive partner. I couldn’t have got through it without my partner, who more often than not took over for me.’

Lucy Holmes, mum to Jessica, 19 months