Sleep like a baby...tonight!

Sleep – it’s the number one concern for every mum. The less sleep your baby gets, the less you get, the more obsessed you become! So here’s our practical guide to sending your baby to the land of nod and getting a decent night’s sleep for the whole family…

You thought you knew what tiredness was. After all, what could be more exhausting than the gruelling first trimester of pregnancy, when you flopped into bed the minute Eastenders finished? Or, for that matter, the last few weeks before your baby was born, when you were up and down all night going to the loo and rearranging your bump.
 
But now you’re a mum, you know the real meaning of tiredness, and it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. Not only are you plodding around like the living dead, but your temper is in tatters, your relation ship is heading the same way and you’re seriously beginning to think you might go mad.

Whether you’re a brand new mum or battling with a toddler on sleep strike, sleep deprivation is one of the most agonising things you can go through – there’s a good reason why it’s used as a form of torture.

And there’s so much conflicting advice from all the different baby gurus. Should you pick your baby up as soon as he stirs, or leave him to cry? Give him a dummy or let him suck his thumb? Try to fit him into a routine, or let him set the pace?

Decisions like these can seem monumental when you’re too knackered to even choose what to have for tea. So, to help you get your little one sleeping like the proverbial baby, we’ve rounded up all the straight-talking advice you’ll ever need. Keep reading, and we promise you’ll be one step closer to that elusive full night’s sleep.

Your baby’s sleep problems… solved!

When you’re struggling with your baby’s sleep, only the very best advice will do. That’s why we asked our sleep expert, Andrea Grace, for her secrets. A mum of four, qualified health visitor and nurse, Andrea has worked as an independent sleep specialist since 1999, and helped literally hundreds of families to overcome their children’s sleep problems. Read on for her answers to your most common sleep questions


My three-week-old wants to be held all the time, and cries as soon as I lay her down. How can I get her to sleep without being on me?

Swaddling has been an effective way of calming babies for centuries. It’s a method of wrapping a baby to create a secure feeling of being held. Here’s how to do it:

1. Spread out a pure cotton baby flat sheet with the right hand corner folded down slightly.

2. Lay your baby onto the sheet facing up, with her neck against the fold.

3. Pull the top left-hand corner across her body and tuck it behind her right arm, smoothly under her back.

4. Pull the bottom right hand corner up and across to under her chin.

5. Bring the bottom left corner diagonally over her right shoulder and tuck it in at the back.

6. Check that the swaddling is firm but not too tight, and that your baby’s head and face are uncovered.

Now my son is six weeks old, I want to get him into a bedtime routine so my husband and I can have our evenings back. What do you suggest?

Any repeated action which is associated with falling asleep will very soon become a sleep trigger. This is why a consistent bedtime routine is so important.

Begin your routine shortly before you know your baby is ready for sleep, and take everything that you need for the night with you, to avoid having to come back into the living area. Follow a bedtime ‘script’ by using familiar phrases and actions at key points during the routine.

Give your baby a bath every night, singing the same action song in the bath each time. Go directly to his sleep room afterwards, and dress him for bed. Give him a milk feed, then read a story or sing a goodnight song. Finally, place him into his cot, awake but sleepy, to settle for the night.

Ever since he learnt to pull himself up, my 10-month-old won’t lie down in his cot, and his sleep has gone to pot. What can I do?

It’s important that you show him how to lie down, get comfortable, and go to sleep, so first of all, you should physically place him into a good sleeping position again. If he immediately springs back up, there are two options.

The first is to just place your hands reassuringly around him and wait for him to lie down in his own time. Help him to get comfortable if you need to, but follow his lead. This may take a long time, but will teach him how to resettle himself without your direct intervention.

The alternative is to reposition him and then leave the room, even if he’s standing before you reach the door. Return every five minutes just to lay him back down. Reinforce your actions by saying ‘lie down, now’ in a calm voice. By using this firmer approach, your baby will learn to settle back to sleep by receiving a clear message that you expect him to lie down in his cot.

My son is six months old and has always been reluctant to nap. Is there any way of improving his daytime sleep?

Between six and 12 months, most babies require two naps, totalling two to three and a half hours, so it’s important to establish good independent sleep skills at night, which can then be transferred to daytime. Take note of the times that your baby appears sleepy during the day, and follow his lead.

Follow a mini bedtime routine before putting him in his cot and allow him to self-settle. Be prepared for protest, and don’t give in by getting him up. Praise him when he’s in his cot.

If he wakes after a short time, give him the opportunity to resettle if he’s just fussing. You can help by patting him if you really have to. Don’t rush to get him up – if you let him resettle, he may sleep for longer.

My nine-month-old used to sleep well, but ever since a bout of teething, he’s hard to settle at bedtime and wakes during the night. How can I break the habit?
There are two main ways of dealing with habitual night waking. The first is controlled crying (not recommended for babies under six months).

On the first night, place your baby into his cot awake and leave the room. Leave him to cry for five minutes before returning briefly to resettle him. Spend no more than a minute with him, then leave again, even if he cries.

This time, leave 10 minutes before returning to him briefly, as before. From then on, go in every 15 minutes until he’s asleep.

On the second night, leave him first for 10 minutes, then increase it by five minutes at a time, up to 20 minutes. If he’s still awake and crying, continue to go in every 20 minutes. On the third night, start by leaving him for 15 minutes, increasing in five-minute intervals up to 25 minutes. After night three, he should be sleeping through.

A gentler method is gradual withdrawal. Step one (approximately two nights) is to put your baby in his cot awake, and stay beside him until he has gone to sleep. Give him as much physical contact as he needs to settle, but don’t take him out of the cot or feed him.

Step two (approximately two nights) is to withdraw some of your physical contact now he’s comfortable about going to sleep without sucking or being rocked. Remain beside him, but cut down on eye contact and make sure you’re not touching him as he enters sleep.

The final step, which can take up to two weeks, is to move a little further from your baby’s cot each night until you’re outside his room. Do this in tiny stages, so your baby has time to get used to the change.

At 11 months old, my daughter still wakes three times a night for milk. How can we drop the feeds?

The key is not to let her fall asleep on the breast or bottle at the start of the night. Introduce a song or story after the feed and before she goes into her cot, to break the milk-sleep association. She will protest at going into her cot awake; if necessary, you can stay beside her, but don’t lift her out.

Your baby will only sleep through when she’s able to settle without you in the room with her, so over the next few nights, you need to gradually withdraw as she goes to sleep. You can go back to her every five minutes and stroke her back for a minute, but don’t go in if she’s just grumbling.

When your baby wakes in the night, if she’s breastfed, keep the feed very short. If she’s bottlefed, gradually dilute the formula, so it’s three-quarter strength for two nights, half strength for two nights and quarter strength for two nights. From night seven, don’t offer anything. After the feed, leave her to go to sleep on her own.

My daughter, 13 months, always wakes for the day at 5am. How can I get her to sleep later?

It’s hard for babies to go back to sleep at dawn, even if they need more sleep, so be patient. I’d suggest treating anything before 7am as a night waking. If she wakes and cries before this time, go to her, but keep her in her cot, and be prepared to stay with her if she’s upset. Don’t offer milk, even if she struggles to go back to sleep.

If she’s still awake and showing no signs of sleep at 7am, open her curtains to show her that it’s now daytime, and say good morning. Then you can get her up. Opening the curtains is a visual prompt that it’s getting-up time. She’ll soon come to realise that if the curtains are closed, it means it’s sleep time.

19 things you never knew about your baby’s sleep

How much sleep does a toddler really need? How does your baby develop a biological clock? Read on for our round-up of fascinating facts about your baby’s sleep

1. 15 to 18 hours a day – the average time most newborn babies sleep. But sadly, it won’t all be in one long stretch – expect her to wake every two to three hours, day and night, for milk (yawn!). 

2. ‘It’s perfectly normal for babies to wake in the night. Even those model babies who are ‘good sleepers’ will wake several times. What distinguishes good sleepers from those who have a sleep problem is the ability to resettle without help when they stir or wake during the night.’

Andrea Grace, M&B sleep expert (andreagrace.co.uk)

3. Taking your little one outdoors could be the secret of good sleep. Scientists at Liverpool John Moores University found that babies who slept well at night were exposed to twice as much natural daylight between 12 noon and 4pm as poor sleepers.

4. 75 % - the amount cot deaths have fallen by a staggering since 1991, when the campaign to encourage parents to put their babies to sleep on their backs was launched.

5. Giving your baby a ‘dream feed’ can help him sleep longer at night. ‘I used to gently rouse Henry and feed him before I went to bed,’ says Heather Ayres, mum to two-year-old Henry. ‘It sounds mad to wake a sleeping baby, but he settled back down quickly, and he slept longer with a full tummy.’

6. ‘Too much daytime sleep can result in several night-time wakings. Too little daytime sleep can result in his becoming overtired and irritable. He will have difficulty settling himself to sleep and will fall asleep only once he is totally exhausted.’
Gina Ford, author of From contented baby to confident child (Vermilion, £9.99)

7. 8 weeks – the time at which most babies are capable of sleeping for six hours without a feed – bliss!

8. The average two-year-old still needs 12 to 14 hours’ sleep a day. Most of this will be at night, with a nap of around two hours during the day.
 
9. Babies aren’t born with a biological clock – they have to develop it, usually by the third month. You can help them distinguish between night and day by using sleep triggers to indicate when it’s night time. ‘Theo has a sleeping bags, but I never use it for daytime naps,’ says Adele Peat, mum to Amelia, two and a half, and Theo, nine months. ‘Using it only at bedtime acts as an indicator that it’s night, and time for a long sleep.’

10. The average age for a baby to sleep through the night is six months, although some manage it sooner, and others are much later (sorry!).

11. ‘If you wait until your child seems extremely sleepy before you put him to bed at night, you’re probably waiting too long. Babies are often ready for bed before they look sleepy at all. Moving him gradually to an earlier bedtime will make it easier to maintain a pleasant bedtime ritual, and you may find he sleeps better.’
Dr Richard Ferber, author of Solve your child’s sleep problems (Dorling Kindersley, £9.99)

12. Research from the University of Warwick shows that babies who are massaged sleep better, possibly because it triggers the release of the sleep hormone melatonin.

13. 56 per cent of one- to two-year-olds still wake at night at least once a week, according to studies, and 20 per cent wake up on at least five out of seven nights. And you thought newborns were bad!

14. Your little one learns even while she’s asleep. Newborns spend 80 per cent of their slumber time in REM sleep (the state associated with dreaming), whereas REM accounts for only 10 per cent of a 70-year-old’s sleep – proof that she’s busy digesting all those new experiences.

15. Your newborn baby’s stomach is the size of a walnut. That’s why she has to wake every couple of hours to refuel.

16. Sleep deprivation can cause symptoms similar to dementia, such as poor memory, concentration and judgement. So yes, you really are so tired you’re going mad – but it’s only temporary! 

17. ‘Babies over four months old need about the same amount of sleep as they did when they were newborn, but their sleep episodes start to join up, so they might sleep for a few hours at a stretch during the night, and have longer periods awake during the day.’

Caroline Deacon, author of Babycalming (Thorsons, £8.99)

18. Most toddlers drop from two naps to one between 15 and 18 months, and give up the daytime sleep entirely at around three.

19. Watch your sleeping baby’s face and you’ll see when she’s dreaming. Her eyes are flickering beneath her eyelids, her breathing is fast and irregular, and her little body twitches from time to time. ‘Sometimes Sophie even smiles in her sleep, which melts my heart,’ says Alison Whitmore, mum to 16-week-old Sophie. ‘Knowing she’s having happy dreams means I go to bed happy, too.’