The big issue: sleep

Babies and sleepless nights are always uttered in the same breath. But what’s it really like? P&b tells all…

If you had a penny for every time someone’s mentioned lack of sleep since you’ve been pregnant you’d have saved up enough for a Bugaboo in every colour by now!

But what does it really feel like during those first few weeks of new motherhood? Is there anything you can do to make it easier on you, your baby and your partner?

The good news is, yes there is – starting with understanding why newborns behave the way they do.

Newborn sleeping patterns

Your tiny baby isn’t trying to make life difficult (as you might think after your fourth middle of the night nappy change and feed!). In fact, he’ll sleep a lot in those first few weeks – around 15 hours out of every 24 – because he needs that time in which to grow and develop. The extra good news is that he’ll sleep even more in the first few days.

‘Colostrum – the richer ‘first milk’ that your baby gets from you in the first few days of breastfeeding – is high in carbohydrates which fill your baby up and help him sleep for longer,’ explains Karen Hone, P&b’s expert midwife.

The bad news, is that he can’t sleep for his full 15 hours in one long stretch. ‘Little tummies need feeding little and often,’ says Karen. Instead he’ll sleep in two to three hour snatches, regardless of the time of day…or night.

In fact, you’ll very quickly lose count of the number of feed-sleep-change cycles you go through in a 24 hour period over those first few weeks.

But while understanding why he’s not sleeping through the night might make the experience less daunting, it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with.

You’re not alone

One important fact to bear in mind is that you’re not alone. It might feel like the rest of the world is asleep when you’re up at 3am, but remember every other new mum in Britain is probably up too!

Try talking about it with any other new mum friends you have – it can really help. Or try going online to meet some – you’ll be surprised how many are on there, no matter what time of night it is!

‘Sleep deprivation actually made me hallucinate,’ says Caroline Sefton, from North London, mum to Harry 5 months. ‘I woke up in the night and realised I was trying to pick my husband up, not the baby. Thank God for my NCT group – when I told them, they all just laughed – they’d all done similarly crazy things!’

In fact, sleep deprivation is known to lead to anxiety and depression, as well as disorientation, lack of concentration, and memory loss, so don’t panic if you find yourself acting strangely.

Instead, keep our six-step sleep saviour guide to hand and try your best to follow our advice. It might seem that everything goes out of the window once the baby arrives but a few hard and fast sleep rules might well save you -  and your partner’s – sanity. And remember, it doesn’t last forever!

1. Sleep when your baby sleeps

‘Ha!’ we hear you cry. No, really – you MUST try.  Dr Heather Engelman, research fellow at the Edinburgh Sleep Centre, says, sleep-deprived new mums are as affected in their ability to perform everyday tasks as drink drivers. ‘It’s entirely appropriate for you to sleep when you baby sleeps in the day. Don't worry about the housework, or the washing up. Your mental health is more important.’

2. Diet dos…

‘A new mum needs at least five portions of fruit and veg daily (with plenty of proteins and carbs too) to give her the energy to help cope with those sleepless nights in the first few weeks,’ says midwife Karen. Make sure those carbs release energy slowly – that means stocking up on wholemeal bread and brown rice and pasta, and avoiding their white equivalents and anything laden with sugar.

3. …and diet don’ts

It’s tempting when you’re knackered to ask for a caffeine drip and rely solely on ready meals to keep you going, but don’t. ‘Quick fixes are never the answer,’ says Karen. ‘In particular, while caffeine won’t do your baby any harm if you’re breastfeeding, it will build up in his bloodstream and make him more irritable and hungry.’ Not what you want if you’re trying to get him to sleep! Try herbal teas instead – and start stocking up the freezer with homemade meals now.

4. Share the load

Whether or not you're breastfeeding, the first six weeks aren’t a solo act – you need help. Before the birth sit down and discuss rationally the tasks that you’ll need your partner to take on, and make a list of other people you can get to help out.  

 ‘I called my husband Rich the Nappy Man after Harriet was born’ says Ciara Morningside, from High Wycombe, mum to Harriet,one.

‘We had a rule that because I was breastfeeding he did all the nappy changes – at least until he went back to work – and all the bath times. ‘It meant that the burden of feeding was my lot and the rest was his. That way we each understood when the other was tired.’
 

5. Get some fresh air and gentle exercise

It isn’t just an old wives’ tale – a walk every day with your baby will work wonders for both of you. A study at Liverpool John Moores University found that babies sleep longer at night if exposed to plenty of light and fresh air during the afternoon.

So get that pram and sling ready for walking, now! A regular walk won’t just benefit the baby, it’ll get your blood – and feel good endorphins – pumping, and help allay any sense of cabin fever.

 ‘When Daisy was about ten days old I went into a complete meltdown,’ says Melodie, mum to Daisy, two. ‘My health visitor suggested I go out once a day with the pram or the sling for a half hour walk and it changed everything. If it was a nice day I’d buy a sandwich and sit and eat it in the park on the way back. Soon it became my little sanity-saving ritual.’

6. Remember it DOES get better

Sleep deprivation takes its toll psychologically and physically so it’s important to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.

Once the rollercoaster is over and your baby’s a bit bigger, you can start trying to get him into a routine of sleeping for around six hours a night – yes, really!

Until then, it will be hard, but remember that everything seems a lot worse when you’re tired. You will survive.