Emotions after birth

mother and newborn bbaby

From exhilaration through baby blues to falling deeply in love with your new baby… our guide to your emotions after the birth

Exhilaration

Some women feel like they’re on a permanent high in the days following the birth, especially if their labour went particularly well. These feelings of euphoria may partly be the effect of your body’s natural painkillers (endorphins), which flood your body during labour, and are also a natural response to the excitement of finally becoming a mother.

Emptiness

After nine months, most women have had enough of being pregnant and are glad to get their bodies back. But you might experience a feeling of ‘emptiness’ and go through a period of mourning for your bump. Other women are shocked to find that their baby doesn’t look anything like the baby they pictured in their uterus (womb), and grieve for the child they have ‘lost’. Usually this feeling is temporary, but if you find it troubles you, talk to your midwife or health visitor.

Baby blues

Once the initial flush of excitement is over, some mums fall sharply back down to earth. Three or four days after the birth you might find yourself feeling depressed, weepy and unable to cope. This is known as the 'baby blues' and usually lasts a couple of days. These emotions are partly due to hormonal changes, but are also a natural reaction to physical discomforts and anxiety about becoming a parent.

For most women, these feelings seem to disappear as quickly as they appear. If they continue for more than a few days, talk to your midwife or health visitor.

Depression

For around 10% of women, the baby blues don’t lift. These women will continue to feel hopeless and despondent for weeks, or even months, after the birth of their baby. Other symptoms include fatigue that doesn’t lift even after sleep, anxiety and feeling guilty and unable to cope. Postnatal depression is a serious condition, just like an illness, which requires treatment. Your GP can prescribe anti-depressant drugs, or refer you for counselling. It’s also vital to talk to friends and family, and enlist their support. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you will feel better and start to enjoy life with your new baby.

Tiredness

Giving birth is one of the most physically demanding things you will ever do. Whereas women used to recuperate in hospital for three weeks after having a baby, now it’s not unusual to be home just six hours after giving birth. And once you’re home, meeting the constant needs of your baby often leaves you with no chance to recharge your batteries.

Sleeping when your baby sleeps will help you cope with tiredness, as will rationing visitors and phonecalls. Make sure you enlist lots of help, especially if you already have a child.

Worry

When your baby’s awake, you worry she ought to be sleeping, and when she’s sleeping, you check her constantly to see if she’s still breathing. Simply giving her a bath or carrying her downstairs fills you with terror, and you’d rather swim through shark-infested waters than cross a busy road with her. It’s natural to feel like this and, as the weeks go by, your confidence will grow and the world will no longer feel so hazardous.

Adoration

Some women take one look at their new baby and fall instantly in love, but for others the love is more gradual. You shouldn’t expect to love your baby instantly. The love may take days, weeks or months to come, but one day you will wake up, look at your baby and think, ‘Wow!’

Help for you

* The Association of Postnatal Illness offers the chance to talk to other mothers who have experienced postnatal depression; tel, 020 7386 0868

* Parentline offers advice on the phone and support to all parents; tel, 08088 002222