Your birth plan

You’ve spent hours carefully considering and creating your birth plan. But now it’s B-day. And where’s that plan? Right out the window, most likely…

Your hospital bag

The plan: Your specially-bought little case is full of ‘sounds of the sea’ tapes, nutritious snacks, a pretty kimono and chi-chi little newborn suits you splurged half the overdraft on.

The reality: Your bloke has to hare off in the rain to buy a bumper pack of bog-standard babygrows because the designer ones are already covered in poo. The kimono’s useless and you wish you’d packed way more paper knickers.

Plan B: Sit down and make a list of all the things you’ll need – ask friends who’ve been there what worked for them. Think practical and have plenty of everything – from nappies to birth pads.

Your birth partner

The plan: Your partner will suddenly – and uncharacteristically - enter new man mode. He’ll gladly help you with breathing-through-contractions, tender brow-cooling and the hand massage you learned at antenatal class.

The reality: You both hyperventilate because his mind’s gone blank with panic and he won’t let go of the gas and air so you can have a go too!

Plan B: Talk honestly to your partner about how he feels about being at the birth and any worries he has. Explain that he’ll have the full support of the midwives and not all the pressure is on him. If he’s really stressing over how he’ll react on B-Day, why not rope in a second birth partner – they can take turns cheering you on.

Going natural

The plan: To use the arnica, birthing ball, relaxation tapes and scented candles the lady at baby yoga assured you would get you through the birth.

The reality: After four hours of pan pipes and ylang ylang, you grab the midwife by the lapels and scream: ‘Turn that bloody noise off!’

Plan B: Many women swear by natural aides such as hypnotherapy tapes or reflexology, and anything that you feel will relax you is ultimately worth trying. But if you feel you do need some extra help, don’t beat yourself up or feel a failure. Just keep an open mind and keep discussing your options with your midwife.

Pain relief

The plan: To avoid pain relief at all cost. Absolutely no Pethidine.
And definitely no epidural. Just plenty of flared-nostril nose breathing, rocking and maybe a tad of gas and air.

The reality: You end up having the lot - sending your partner to hunt down the anaesthetist like a dog. You even swipe that stranger's ‘Congratulations!’ balloon and have a crack at the helium.
 
Plan B: No one knows what your labour will be like. You may well get through it with no or limited pain relief. And if that’s what you want, that’s what you should aim for. But it always pays to research all the options just in case you do need extra back-up. You’ll feel confident in knowing exactly what’s available.

Positions

The plan: To avoid laying flat on your back at all cost with a variety of active labouring positions, aided by your partner.

The reality: He does his level best to support you under the armpits as you squat. But when his knees begin to buckle and his whole life suddenly flashes before his eyes, you end up compromising by kneeling on the bed.

Plan B: Being upright for as long as possible during labour is definitely what the experts and many mums recommend. So have positions in mind, but you’ll only know for sure what you want and what works, at the moment of truth. So do what feels right for you. When you finally get to hold that gorgeous baby in your arms you won’t care if you were on all fours or swinging from the doorposts. 

Meeting your baby

The plan: To be sitting up in bed with shiny hair and glowing cheeks as you gaze at your beautiful new baby in love and wonder.

The reality: Love and wonder – yes. But with sweaty hair at crazed angles, nightie in a knot under your chin and wild panda eyes.

Plan B: Don’t let anyone near with a camera until your nether regions are back under wraps and someone’s handed you a comb.

The key thing when writing your birth plan is not to be too rigid, keep an open mind and when the big moment strikes, try to go with the flow. There’s no ‘right’ way to give birth and, ultimately, all that really matters is that you get a healthy baby at the end of it all.