The first six weeks of motherhood

Getting through the first six weeks

 ‘I’ve always been a very organised person and assumed that once my baby was born, I’d still be able to plan my days and do everything I wanted or needed to. Boy was I wrong!’ says Jade Williams, 27, mum to Tyler, 14 weeks.

If M&B had a pound for every time we’d heard that, we’d be editing the magazine from sun loungers in the Caribbean by now! Becoming a mum is one of the biggest shocks to the system that life can throw at you, no matter how prepared you thought you were.

The good news is it doesn’t take long to get the hang of it, and you will get there in the end. Jade also told us, ‘It took me six weeks of beating myself up to figure out I just needed to go with the flow and let things happen naturally, rather than trying to plan everything,’

To help you find your feet, we’ve compiled the ultimate New Mum Survival Guide, so that you know what to expect and when, and can enjoy those precious first six weeks with our newborn.

The First 24 Hours – What Happens

You've been waiting for this day for months – nine, to be exact. Now you finally get to meet your new baby. But what happens next?

First things first

As long as your baby’s okay, you’ll get your first cuddle straight away. And if you’re planning on breastfeeding, it’s a good idea to get started within that first hour. Don’t panic if it doesn’t go well at first.

‘It’s common for newborns just to snuffle around for a while,’ says midwife Melanie Every of the Royal College of Midwives.

Any tear or episiotomy will be stitched up ASAP too – ‘the sooner the you’re stitched up the sooner you’ll start healing,’ says Melanie.

Clean Up Operation

After your baby’s been cleaned up it’s your turn for a shower – a blessed relief after your messy, sweaty ordeal! Tell your midwife if you feel wobbly when you get up – it’s normal, especially if you’ve lost quite a lot of blood.

 You’ll also need to eat. You may well be ravenous but equally, you may just feel nauseous. Either way, try to eat something – even just tea and toast. The hospital needs to know you’ve kept fluids and food down, and been to the loo, before they can let you go home.

That first post-birth pee may sting but it’ll soon get easier. ‘You won’t necessarily have a bowel movement,’ says Melanie, ‘but if you haven’t had one in 48 hours tell your midwife.’

On the move

Now’s the time to move to the postnatal ward – usually in a wheelchair. You might be shocked at its resemblance to Piccadilly Circus at rush hour, especially after the quiet and one to one care on the delivery ward, but don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you look like you’re coping, you’ll probably be left to get on with it,’ says Melanie.

Newborn checks

At some point between now and 48 hours after the birth, your newborn will be checked over, usually by paediatrician.

As well as listening to his heart, checking his hips (and genitals in a boy), they’ll want to make sure he’s weed and pooed. Before you leave the hospital he’ll may also have his hearing checked.

Friends and Family

You’ll be so proud of your new little bundle you’ll want to screech your news from the rooftops, but try to keep the first day simple. Text or phone close friends and family, and ask them to pass the news on.

You may want grandparents or siblings to visit straight away, but try to avoid a crowd - you both need plenty of time to rest and get to know each other.

Reality bites

‘You should be given painkillers soon after the birth,’ says Melanie, ‘but if you’re stitches or afterpains are still causing you pain, tell someone.’

Now’s also the time that the enormity of everything might hit you – just remember it’s normal to feel elated and terrified, ecstatic and exhausted all at the same time.

Homeward bound

After a straightforward birth,  you’ll usually be sent home the same day. ‘Just remember you’re not alone,’ says Melanie. ‘A midwife will visit you at home the next day and you’ll be given a number for emergencies.’

Top Mum Tip

‘You’re bound to want to spend the first night just gazing at your beautiful baby, but try and get some sleep - it’s the only chance you’re going to get! Come the next night, and the night after that, you’ll wish you’d slept when you had the chance.’

Sarah Jordan, 29, mum to Jack, 23 months, and 27 weeks pregnant

Bringing Baby Home

Nothing beats the feeling of arriving home as a family, when you left as a couple. But it can also be terrifying – ‘I remember looking at each other when we got in and saying, ‘now what?’ – and we were only half joking!’ says Karen Miles, mum to

Hannah, nine months.

Try to remember that you’re not supposed to know everything straight away – now is the time for you and your baby to start to get to know each other. If you do need to put your mind at rest, then you can always call your midwife or health visitor.

The car seat

Most hospitals won’t let you leave without one, and the law requires you to have one for every drive you take your baby on, including that very first one. What’s vital is that the seat you buy is installed by a trained fitter (bizarrely, not all car seats fit all cars), and that they’ve shown you how to correctly fit it for every journey.

The Top Five New Mum Skills

‘Being a mum is the most important job you’ll ever do,’ says M&B’s health visitor, Jackie Walsh, ‘yet it’s probably the only you’ll ever do where you’ve had no training or qualifications.’

It’s time to skill up, then – mum-style!

1. Bathing and changing

With newborns going through as many as 12 nappies each day, changing will soon be something you can – and will – do in your sleep.

It’s important to check your little one’s nappy every couple of hours, and to always put him in a fresh one before bed at night and first thing in the morning.

Bathing your newborn can be a daunting experience, especially if you’ve never juggled anything live, slippery and (often) screaming before! But you’ll soon get the hang of it.

Just remember that you don’t need to bathe your newborn everyday. Topping and tailing is easier and will keep him clean between baths.

Topping and tailing:

1. Lay him on a towel on his changing mat in a warm room and undress him, down to his vest. Start by dipping cotton wool in warm water and wiping his eyes from the inner corner out, using a fresh piece for each eye.

2. With a clean piece of damp cotton wool wipe his face and neck. Then with fresh cotton wool wipe behind each ear (never inside).

3. Using more clean cotton wool, wipe his underarms, hands and feet, including between his fingers and toes.

4. Remove his nappy and clean his bottom, using fresh pieces of cotton wool to clean in between his skin folds.

5. Pat him dry with a towel and redress him in a fresh nappy and clean clothes.

TOP MUM TIP

‘You don’t have to wash your baby in the bathroom. As long as it’s a warm room, you can do it anywhere. Washing up bowls are the perfect size for a newborn – buy one just for him.’

Eleni Lodis, 23, mum to Paris, 10 weeks

2. Breastfeeding

We’d be lying if we told you it never hurts, but if you find yourself in agony at every attempt at bresatfeeding it usually means something’s wrong.

Is it working?

 ‘The main indicator of successful feeding is if, by day five, your baby is producing soft, yellow poo, several times a day,’ says NCT breastfeeding counsellor Heather Welford.

‘If he isn’t you need to have your baby weighed and your breastfeeding checked as soon as possible.’

Get help

Despite the benefits of breastfeeding being well known, only 54 per cent of women are still doing it after two weeks.

The key thing to remember is that there’s support out there if you’re finding it hard. Keep these numbers to hand in the early days and don’t be afraid to call anytime if you need help:

- La Leche League, 0845 120 2918, lalecheleague.co.uk

- Breastfeeding Support Network, 0870 900 8787, breastfeedingsupportnetwork.org.uk

- NCT Breastfeeding Line, 0870 444 8708. nct.org.uk

TOP MUM TIP

Use a breast pump – give your partner the chance to feed your newborn and you’ll get a break.

Katie Mullard, 30, mum to Betty, 2

3. Soothing

Studies have shown that within hours of the birth, you can recognise your baby’s cry from others’ and have a heightened response mechanism to it. What takes a bit longer to figure out is what your baby’s cries mean.

Recognising Common Cries

‘I’m hungry!’ – usually a slow-building cry that starts as a fuss then builds to a loud rhythmic cry

‘I’m in pain!’ – more of a sharp, high-pitched scream, followed by a brief period where she holds her breath and gasps for air

‘I want attention!’ – this cry often starts as fretting, building into crying bursts to try and get your attention

It’s best to try to soothe your baby quickly as the longer she cries, the harder it can be to get her to stop.

Shhhhhhhhh….

How to hush your little cry baby:

1. Is she hungry or thirsty? This should always be your first question.

2. Change her nappy. Babies hate feeling wet and dirty.

3. Is she too hot or too cold? Feel her stomach – it should feel warm but not hot or clammy.

4. Cuddle her – usually this is all it takes.

5. Use your imagination – rock, swaddle, burp, sing, massage, pace; you’ll soon learn how she likes to be calmed.

If your baby’s crying gets too much for you, don’t suffer alone. Call Serene (Cry-sis) Helpline for support on 08451 228669.

4. Coping without sleep

Your newborn will sleep for around 16 hours a day – just not all in one go. So one of the key challenges of being a new mum is learning how to survive on little, or at best broken, sleep.

‘What’s important is that you recognise when you’re exhausted and give in to it,’ says Jackie Walsh. ‘I so often see new mums who’ve been up all night struggling to make the dinner or do the ironing when what they should be doing is sitting down – even just for 15 minutes.’

Jackie recommends keeping one room calm, quiet and tidy so that you’ve always got somewhere to retreat and relax when your baby’s sleeping, ‘that way the massive pile of washing or the dirty dishes won’t distract you from getting some rest,’ she says.

5. Using your equipment

The pushchair, the steriliser, the sling – they’re all new-mum lifesavers, but perfectly useless unless you know how to use them. If you’re reading this before the birth, now’s the time to get them out of their boxes and have a play.

If you’ve waited till you’ve got home with your baby then swot up, quick smart. Don’t wait till you baby’s screaming blue murder at 3 am to figure out how to work the breast pump, or until you’ve run out of sterilised bottles and your baby’s starving before you start trying to assemble the steriliser.

TOP MUM TIP

‘Get a sling!  That way you get to keep your baby close but also get on with the washing, hoovering, etc. All babies have times when they just don’t want to be put down so if you’ve got things to do – it’s the perfect solution.’

Ann Harrison, 22, mum to Duncan, eight months

Dealing with visitors

They may come bearing gifts but what if you’re too tired to entertain?

‘Get an answer phone,’ says Jackie. ‘And use it! Your real friends will understand if you don’t answer or open the door. The first couple of weeks are for you and your partner to get to know your baby, not the time to become a drop in café!’

TOP MUM TIP

‘Make use of visitors – ask them to make you a cup of tea while you feed the baby or to bring a meal with them that you an heat up later on. You’ve got to learn to accept all the help you can.’

Lisa Bishop, 30, mum to Eliot, 14 months

Recovering from the birth

Body talk

We don’t need to tell you that your body takes quite a battering during the birth. If you delivered vaginally you’re probably aching all over as well as being physically exhausted. And if you had a caesarean it’s worth remembering you’re actually recovering from major surgery!

Try some of our top tips for a more comfortable recovery:

- You may well have stitches as well as bruising. Try pouring warm water over yourself while going to the loo to ease any stinging; arnica tablets can help with bruising.

- Don’t be alarmed if you leak wee when you laugh/cough/sneeze; your pelvic floor exercises will soon sort this.

- If you’re constipated, make sure you eat plenty of fibre (wholemeal bread, pasta and rice, fruit and veg) and drink lots of water.

- If piles are a problem then try warm baths or soaking a sanitary towel in witch hazel.

- A caesarean can leave you feeling like you’ll burst open if you laugh/lift/sit up, so learn to brace yourself first.

- As your uterus shrinks back to its normal size it might hurt – paracetamol will help.
- If your boobs are painful, try the old Savoy cabbage leaf trick – just slip them, chilled, into your bra cups. It works, honest!

- Last but not least, you might find you sweat lots in bed as the excess pregnancy fluid drains away, so try sleeping on a towel.

Mind matters

‘Physical exhaustion often manifests itself as mental exhaustion,’ says Jackie. ‘You have to stop being a martyr when you have a new baby. Accept every single offer of help that comes your way, and learn to ask for it too.

There are no prizes for trying to do everything yourself. You’ll only end up feeling defeated and worthless when you don’t get everything just right.’

TOP MUM TIP

‘I made sure that I got up and got dressed rather than just staying in my nightie all day - it made me feel 100 times better, even if I’d had no sleep. I’d also try to go for a walk, even if was just to the shop for a paper.  It makes you feel more human, and you can show off your new baby!’

Lesley Deacon, 26, mum to Faye, 14 weeks

Battling the Baby Blues

No one said it would be easy, but if you’re finding every day is a bad one, it may be that you’re suffering from postnatal depression (PND).

It affects one in ten new mums, and symptoms can include feelings of sadness, panic or anxiety, obsessional thoughts, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite and lack of sex drive.

Nearly all new mums will go through the ‘baby blues’ soon after the birth but this should only last a couple of days. If you think you may be suffering from PND, speak to your GP or health visitor.

PND is completely treatable with medication or counselling – or both – so it pays to speak up. For more information contact the Association for Postnatal Illness (020 7386 0868, apni.org).

Making the most of your ‘babymoon’

After the initial shock of the first couple of days, all your pre-birth thoughts of luxuriating in your baby’s milky gorgeousness and actually enjoying the first couple of weeks may well have disappeared. But hold that thought.

‘Getting to know each other is what the first couple of weeks are all about,’ says Jackie. She welcomes the new trend for dads taking time off immediately after the birth, and then again a few weeks later.

‘At first it’s more like hard work than time off,’ she says, ‘but after a couple of weeks, when you’ve got some sort of routine going, it can lovely to take another week together to really enjoy being parents.’

Just try to remember it’s not a holiday – ‘don’t go planning lots of activities like you would during normal time off. Just be,’ she says.

TOP MUM TIP

‘Just before my due date I put together a grocery shopping order online, then all I had to do was press ‘send’ the day we came home from hospital.

Within a couple of hours we had fresh food delivered to the door without having to lift a finger or leave the house.’

Joy Cummings, 32, mum to Alexander, two

New Mums – Second Time Around

If you thought it was hard the first time, nothing can prepare you for looking after a new baby and another child. Gone are the opportunities for daytime snoozes; ditto keeping the house perfectly silent while your newborn sleeps.

On the up side, you know what to expect and will be a dab hand at the whole bathing, changing, feeding, burping routine. And there are lots of things you can do to make it easier on yourself:

1. Get organised – if you know where everything is you’ll find it easier to multi-task

2. Don’t parent separately – ‘doing two things at once, like breastfeeding while reading your toddler a story, will leave you more free time to take it easy,’ says Jackie.

3. Remember that you matter too. If you’re not looking after yourself, there’ll be no one to look after your children.