Gary's blog: The snowman!

09:00
It’s snowing. Louis is stood on a chair at the breakfast table peering out of the window. The little fellow has never seen anything like it. This wasn’t the usual half-hearted dribble of white fluff either – this was pure ‘Disney’ snow, thick layers of it covering pretty much everything in sight. There was only one thing for it … 

It was time to build a Snowman!

10:45
Louis and I get to work on the Snowman’s body.
“Where’s his head Dad?” says Louis after about 10 minutes or so.
“Head? It’s way too early to put his head on son,” I tell him. “This is going to be a big, big, big snowman.”
“How big Dad?”
“Very very big.”
“Bigger than you Dad?”
“Oh yes,”
“Bigger than all the other snowmen in the world Dad?”
“Yep.”

Louis doesn’t appear over-concerned about the size of the snowman; his only concern is with giving the Snowman his carrot nose. But the way I see it is… if you’re going to make a great snowman … make a great big one! You can’t do these things half-measure.

12:00
Louis has gone inside for his snack. I forge ahead though I’m now having to fetch snow from the back garden. My wife (Nicole) brings me out a cup of tea.
“How long till you put the head on?” she says.
“Don’t you start.”
“Louis wants to know.”
“You can’t rush these things.”

13:00
My hands are frozen. It’s the dodgy mittens I’m wearing. Nicole has just bought me out a pair of yellow washing up gloves but there’s no way I’m stooping to those levels.  There’s no sign of Louis. I think he’s possibly having himself a nap.

14:00
Louis is waving encouragement from the kitchen window. Or is he beckoning me to come inside? I can’t be sure. He looks warm.

15:00
The snowman is over 5ft and he’s still minus a head. I decide I’d concentrate on the body for another 30 minutes, sculpting muscle definition etc, and then I’ll make a start on the head. We were getting a bit light on snow and I’m thinking I’ll have to raid next doors garden.

15:15
A boy from down the road stops to see what I’m doing. He has a cheeky, crafty looking face though to be fair he probably thinks the same about me. He must live local but I can’t place him.

“That’s a big snowman mister,” he says.
“Thanks,” I say.
“How big is it?”
“6 foot”
“6 foot?”
“Yep.”
He nods, suitably impressed.
“My snowman is not very big. It’s only about as big as me,” he says.
I nod.
“See you mister,” he says, then he turns and walks off down the street...

16:30
I’m stood on a ladder. Louis is back out but between you and me he’s looking a bit bored.
“Dad can I go indoors?”
“Don’t you want to put the carrot on son,” I said.
“Yes dad,” he says.
“We’re nearly there now son, be patient.”

I’m now having to scrounge snow from next doors back garden. I start to roll the head and by the time I’ve finished it must weigh about a stone give or take a couple of pound.

I have to carry it around the side of the house and I’m about half way round when next doors cat decides this is the moment he’s going to try breakdancing between my legs. Thud! I hit the ground landing on my back. Pain shoots up my arms and I think I might have broken my elbows. To top it all the Snowman’s head fell on top of me and I’m soaked and I’m cold. The cat stands a few feet a way and if it wasn’t a cat I’d swear it was grinning.

17:00
It’s getting dark. Louis is inside, in the warm, peering at me through the window. Nicole has just come outside. She reckons I’ve gone too far and am obsessed. The snowman, now with head, is about 6 feet tall. I’m shattered. I feel like I’ve done a day at the gym although if truth be told I’ve little recollection of what that feels like.

17:45
Finally … it’s time to put on the nose. I call Louis out. The wife brings the torch. The snowman is looking pretty cool. He sports a black beret, two big pots with stars for eyes and some stones for the buttons and mouth. And … of course … a big hole in the middle of his face into which Louis is about to place the prize carrot. The carrot is a big organic number and no more than my snowman deserves.

I hoist Louis up to the snowman’s head and the little fellow plonks the carrot in the middle of its face. 

It’s a great moment.

“Can we go in now Dad?”
“Yes son.”

19:00
Nicole has put Louis to bed. I’ve had a shower and I’m sitting in my dressing gown in front of the kitchen window tucking into a huge bowl of stew & dumplings. It’s dark outside but I can just about make-out the glorious awe-inspiring presence of my snowman standing proud in the middle of the lawn … for all to see.

20:00
Nicole and I are watching Strictly Dancing on Ice. Todd Carty has nearly killed himself by skating into a wall. I’m about to laugh when I hear a noise outside. The noise is feint, laughter. It’s coming from the front garden. I jump up and race to the front door, swinging it open.

Noooooooo! I can’t believe this is happening.

Someone had beheaded my snowman. Its head has completely gone and so has half its body.

I’m outside and sprinting up the path. I’m barefoot but that’s not going to stop me. Two hood wearing youths turn and run. I shout after them. I chase them for a hundred yards or so but eventually lose site of them as they disappear into one of the front-gardens ahead.

“Call the police!” I shout back to Nicole.
“The police? What for? ”
“What for? For knocking my Snowman’s head off that’s what for,” I shout.
“What’s the matter Dad?” shouts Louis, who has appeared in the doorway. “Did someone horrible kill our snowman?” Louis seems a little bit more upset than the wife and yet the pair of them seem not to have grasped the seriousness of what has just occurred.

“I’ll find em,” I say, loudly, and I’m about to continue the hunt when …
“Gary, you’ve got no shoes on! Get in the house!”
“Eh. No way. This is vandalism,”
“It’s a snowman Gary, get a grip.”

As I stood there under the streetlight in the snow in my dressing gown with no shoes on, I could feel the days events weighing heavily on my soul.

I started back inside. The snowman, what was left of him, was a pitiful sight. I head into the house after Nicole and Louis. As I close the door I can hear Aled Jones singing in my head. I’m feeling a bit sad and I think I might just go to bed.