Kirsty's blog: Food fights

Right from the start I decided that Carmel should eat her three meals at the table with us, where possible. 

At first of course this was easy. When she couldn’t walk, or climb very well Carmel would happily sit in her highchair for ages and be fed the various mush we served up. 

Then of course things slowly changed but she was still pretty good and interested in the food and social event of meal times. But things have been changing for the worse and now getting Carmel to the table can be a fight, every day.

These last couple of weeks things have really been difficult.  Carmel finds distractions as soon as she sees meal-time approaching. I didn’t realise what was happening at first.  I seemed to be getting up and down from the table every few minutes. 

She needed the toilet, (twice) a request you can hardly refuse.  She would suddenly spot a toy she couldn’t reach but must have with her immediately or she’d start screaming - and on it went.  Finally, I would lift her and try to get her into her chair but it was dangerous. 

Carmel kicked, squirmed and screamed so it was impossible to get her to sit without causing injury.  If I did manage to get her sitting there, she would swipe the plate and al the food onto the floor, or the dog (scrounging below, and more than happy with his winnings).

Pete and I quickly went into discussion and settled on ignoring Carmel.  When things get tough, ignoring Carmel seems to be the best way to get her to do most things.  If blood-curdling screaming tantrums can be quickly diffused by our silent pretence that nothing is going on, it might just work!

We are still trying it but now, at meal times we only tell her the meal is ready once and to come and sit with us, then we ignore her.  Quite quickly, she tries the distractions, says “yuk” a few times then realises no one is reacting to her, she comes to sit down as if it was her idea all along, often eating her entire meal.  We also relax more when we are out. 

Yesterday we went for a picnic with friends and she was too excited to eat, so her lunch ended up consisting of strawberries, chocolate brownies, sweets and biscuits all eaten as she ran up and down – normally this would horrify me, but now I just think that this is one day out, just one meal and it won’t kill her. 

In the evening, at home she ate a healthy meal and there were no fights.  Obviously, this doesn’t work at every meal as sometimes, like all of us, she is actually not hungry.  Carmel, like most toddlers, wants to make all her own decisions - from what colour socks to wear, to when it’s time to go to bed. 

For now, when we ignore her, Carmel appears to like that she is deciding (she thinks) it is time to come to the table and eat with us and obviously as soon as she comes to sit we all chat and act like nothing untoward just happened. I for one am a lot happier without all the shouting and indigestion, (for now).