Laura's Blog: Burning the Candle Both Ends

I didn't know true sleep deprivation until I had children. Now I know I can survive on four hours sleep with the help of Diet Coke and pure childcare adrenalin … But it makes me a monster, and I know that blood is thicker than water because if they weren’t born of my loins I would have killed them by now.  

The 4 year old didn't sleep through the night without interruption until her brother arrived on the scene (she was 18 months old). I'm sure she then slept with a wry smile.

Now it's different - I think they have meetings by nightlight to discuss that evenings tactics.

The current tactic is a relay race by which the 4 year old, who suffers night terrors, wakes from 11pm-3am every hour on the hour screaming as though she’s being stabbed with a butter knife. Then the 2 and a half year old wakes at 5am to beat on his door with whatever he can find (usually Mr Potato Head’s carcass) whilst shouting ‘Mummy’ in a variety of tones until he is released.

We did have an unusually quiet morning two weeks ago. The sort where you think maybe you should check they are still breathing. Which I did, to find the 2 and a half year old on his window sill smearing nappy cream all over it and himself. I wasn't sure whether to be happy for the extra sleep or angry for the mess.

I think I should invite myself to one of their nightlight meetings and put across the point that if I don’t get enough sleep I will be extra grumpy and offer chocolate incentives in return for a decent night’s sleep.

The 2 and a half year old still has an afternoon nap and I often wonder whether I should give him a taste of his own medicine.  I could just wait until he’s just dropped off, then bang on his door with a selection of Mr Potato Head’s limbs (for variety). I could then burst into his room covered in nappy cream whilst shouting his name. I could then be sectioned …

… but at least I’d get some sleep!

To read more of Laura Driver's Blogs visit her website:
http://arewenearlythereyetmummy.blogspot.com/