I lost one of my twins to Infant Death Syndrome

Nicola Richardson writes about her twin baby Alexander who died. 

We found out we were having twins at our first scan on the 13th of April 2005. We wandered around the hospital’s maternity department in stunned silence. Then, after a while, we were like two school kids giggling and laughing, not quite believing it had happened to us.

During the scans we were told that they were non-identical but, after my gorgeous boys were born, we were told that, although there were two sacs, there was only one placenta (possibly fused but we were never told anything for definite).

They were born on the 24th of September 2005 at Barnsley District General Hospital by normal delivery. Harrison James arrived first at 7.47pm after an 8-hour labour weighing in at 5lb 5oz and Alexander Robert made a speedy arrival 8 minutes later at 7.55pm.

We had chosen Harrison’s name already but couldn't decide between Alexander and Benjamin so we asked the midwife, who promptly got all emotional and chose Alexander as that was her dad's name. Both boys were 48cm long with head circumferences of 35cm.

They were such happy and contented babies

They were such happy and contented babies, rarely crying and very sociable. There were always smiles for everyone. I was and still am so proud to have had twins, although trying to shop in any way, shape or form without allowing extra time to be stopped and cooed over was impossible.

My husband, Ian, and I worked out a system to feed them if we were on our own but always, if we were together (especially at night), we fed one each. We used to ‘race’ to see who could burp their baby first and I can still remember the made-up songs Ian used to sing in the middle of the night to keep us awake.

Although the youngest, Alexander took the lead with everything

Although the youngest, Alexander took the lead with everything. He was so mischievous, often getting them both into trouble. I have never known two children be so interested in buttons and electronics. The Sky card and DVD player were never safe (a tradition his brother continues to this day).

He was the first to sit and crawl, and a week before his death the first to walk as well. They were slower than most babies of their age to do all this but I never rushed them. They were my last babies and I wanted them to stay babies for longer.

That fateful morning on the 9th of February 2007 was like any other. Ian had left for work and I roused my other boys to start getting ready for the last day of school before half term. Ian had brought Harrison into our room during the night as he was unwell and we didn’t want him disturbing Alexander.

I knew immediately something was wrong

I made my way to their room to wake Alex, not something I normally had to do as most mornings they would both be giggling and jumping on their bums to make each other laugh. I called him which normally was enough to have him up and smiling but … nothing. Standing at the door of their room I knew immediately something was wrong.

I rushed to the cot to find my beautiful lively boy, cold and lifeless. Something took hold of me that morning and I’ve no idea how I did it but I shouted for my eldest son Thomas to take Harrison and play in his room and for my other son Jack to fetch the telephone and mobile so I could ring an ambulance and Ian.

I can only describe what followed as an out-of-body experience. As I recall what happened it was like looking at myself carrying out mouth-to-mouth on Alexander and begging him to please come back, whilst shouting at the operator giving me instructions that it wasn’t working.

I was praying silently that I was wrong

I’ve no idea how the paramedic got into the house but he asked me to help him take Alexander’s sleepsuit off, which I did, and then his colleagues arrived along with some police officers. I got dressed and went downstairs with my other boys and Ian’s parents who had arrived at some point. Ian kept calling for an update, but I was conscious that he was driving I didn’t want to upset him any more so he still had hope when he arrived. I remember ringing my parents to tell them what had happened.

The ambulance men brought Alexander down our stairs and I remember just seeing his leg. I knew then really but didn’t admit it to anyone. As the ambulance pulled away, Ian turned up, full of hope and fear. He drove us to the hospital and I was praying silently that I was wrong and that the ambulance men had performed a miracle. Ian was talking non-stop saying how it was alright and Alex would be fine. I didn’t have the heart to tell him then.

Pulling up at the hospital, the ambulance was at the entrance with the attending paramedics ‘sorting out’ in the back. We both went and said thank you but their eyes and faces said it all to me.

I can never thank Sheila and her team enough

We spent time with Alexander at the hospital and then again when he was taken to Sheffield Children’s Hospital to be looked after by the fabulous ladies in their bereavement suite. I can never thank Sheila and her team enough. I was worried that Alexander had no clothes or anything of his own, but when I rang she said she had dressed Alexander and kept a blanket that he had come with (although it wasn’t his).

We spent as much time with him as we could, saying our goodbyes and making sure he was ‘comfortable’. Sheila made sure Alexander was washed and dressed after his post mortem. I have so much admiration for these women as they made an extremely hard time for my family and me so much easier than it could have been.

It was important to me that Harrison and Alexander were dressed the same for the funeral. They had always worn the same from being born and I didn’t want this day to be any different. I couldn’t bear to see Harrison dressed in the clothes and shoes that they both had previously so we went to get him new ones. I’ll never forget their wardrobe crammed full of identical outfits. Harrison’s clothes from the funeral day are now in a memory box along with toys and other things that were in Alexander’s cot which were kept for us by the police.

I have to take my hat off to all the police officers involved in our case

Nothing was ever kept from us by anyone. The doctors at Barnsley Hospital made sure that all my children were checked over, especially Harrison being Alexander’s twin, as at that time we were unsure of the cause of death.

The initial checks made on Alexander showed an abnormality in his heart and we were given an immediate appointment for Harrison with the top paediatric heart doctor in Leeds. This turned out to be nothing serious and not a cause for death for Alexander, and Harrison’s heart was all OK. As it turns out they could be mirror twins as Alexander’s abnormality was a mirror image to a ‘normal’ heart which Harrison has.

Statements were taken and I have to take my hat off to all the police officers involved in our case. We were taken step by step through everything that needed to happen and the two officers from CID were fantastic. It was obviously very hard for them as well but they were so understanding and were such a support to us especially during the coroner’s hearing which was so hard. We never once felt under suspicion and I thank them for that.

The verdict was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and the paediatric pathologist Dr Marta Cohen commented on how healthy Alexander was and that his death could not be explained. She did speak to us personally on two occasions, both times telling us she could tell Alexander was very much loved and he was very healthy.

We have just passed Alexander’s one year anniversary

We have had endless support from friends and family and we have just passed Alexander’s one year anniversary which was hard but we have three other children and we have to remain positive for them.

I feel it’s such a blessing to have had twins as every milestone that Harrison reaches we know Alexander would have been there just before him but there is also a great sadness knowing that he isn’t there to share it with us.

Alexander still remains a big part of our lives as we talk about him most days. His pictures are still all over the house and we still cry as we miss him tremendously but we have each other to rely on. I love my children and husband so much for being the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege to know.

For help and advice please visit the Foundation for the Study of Infant Death (FSID) website here.