My bladder and rectum prolapsed into my vagina

Where to begin?  I turned 30 this year which is a celebration in itself but I celebrate everyday in my two beautiful babies, Sophia & Blake.   

I was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant for the first time and determined to enjoy being pregnant.  Unfortunately it went from bad to worse.  I was monitored throughout my pregnancy because I had low liquor and measured very small for my term. At around 20 weeks I began to feel generally very uncomfortable around the pelvic area.  I was diagnosed with "Symphasis Pubis Dysfunction" where my body had too much of the hormone 'Relaxin' and my pelvis was opening up before I was ready.  I ended up on crutches throughout the pregnancy and it used to click when I walked. 

It was much worse at night time and this wasn't helped by the fact that I seemed to want to pee up to 10 times in the night.  I had to crawl on my hands and knees to get there sometimes.  Thankfully they induced me at 38 weeks to put me out my misery and because my waters were still measuring so low.  We had a beautiful baby girl who was actually a healthy 6lb 90z and we called her "Sophia Brooke". 
   
I don't know if it was the shock of becoming a parent or for being in so much pain during and even after having Sophia but the tears came and didn't seem to stop. I got referred to the Motherhood of Mental Health (which sounds like I needed locking up) and started a course of anti-depressants (a taboo subject) and after about a year I finally began to enjoy being a mum.  By then however I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for feeling like I missed out on that first year. 

Desperate to prove myself and my love for a family I wanted to try for another child. We were extremely lucky and I got pregnant straight away. Even more determined this time that I WOULD ENJOY THIS PREGNANCY. I so wanted to be one of those Mums that you see constantly rubbing their belly and blooming.  Yet all I managed to achieve was to feel blooming awful, bloated, spotty and towards the end would have performed a self c-section if they'd have let me.  It all started early this time and at around 12 weeks the pain in my Symphasis Pubis started again. Out came the crutches! Except this time I had a 2 year old on reigns at the same time.  Bless her, she was so good.  She used to walk a few steps and then stop and wait for "Poorly Mummy" to catch up on her crutches. (which she called Mummy's legs).  Somehow, not sure how we managed and thankfully this time they induced me at 37.5 weeks and we had a beautiful bouncing baby boy we named "Blake".  Dosed up on pain killers and post natal emotions the inevitable happened again.  You guessed it, antidepressants.

At my 6 week check up I knew something wasn't quite right and could feel something constantly between my legs.  Doing the unspeakable, I tentatively got a hand mirror and did a self inspection.  "Oh my God".  My insides are falling out.  After several visits to the doctors and hospital I was confirmed to have two pelvic organ prolepses. My bladder and rectum had both prolapsed into my vagina.  It's like one of those nightmare stories you read in a magazine. Why can't I be like one of those smiling mothers on the front of the nappy or baby wipe packets?

I have had the operation to repair both organs and it was more painful than having the two kids. Coming round from the anaesthetic I felt like I had given birth to twin giraffes. However, I am here to say that I would do it all again in a second because now I am the happiest mum in the world and have two beautiful children to remind me every day why we should celebrate being parents. I also think how lucky I am when some people struggle for years to even conceive.