Do you disagree with your midwife?

Whether you fancy labouring in your lounge or birthing in hospital, your midwife should be there to talk through your concerns and ideas for your birth plan.

‘Your midwife should simply give you all the information you need to make your own informed decision,’ says Denise Linay, advisor at the Royal College of Midwives.
While midwives are meant to be impartial, it can sometimes feel like every midwife has a different philosophy on birth. ‘I wanted an epidural for my son’s birth,’ says Beth, mum to Travis, two. ‘I thought my midwife was a bit “hippy dippy” – I’d been to her antenatal class and felt she was subtly pushing the natural labour thing. So I felt funny telling her I wanted every drug going. But we talked it over and she supported my decision.’

If you’ve got ideas for your birth plan that don’t tally with your midwife’s, try to talk it through. Explain to her your preferences and reasons. If she disagrees with you, find out why she’s thinking that way; she may well have some valid points. Find out what the hospital protocol is, or whether it’s your midwife who has a personal bias, although this shouldn’t be the case.

Maternity services do vary across the country. Depending on where you live, you may be assigned a community midwife who does your antenatal checks, or you may be seen by a hospital midwife during your pregnancy. In some areas you may get to choose. It’s good to talk to your GP early on in your pregnancy to find out what services are like in your area. ‘Generally it’s community midwives who deal with home births,’ says Denise. So if you think a home birth might be for you, flag it up early and ask to be referred to the community midwife team if there is one in your area.


Get some back-up

Sometimes planning the birth you want can feel like a battle. If you have locked horns with your midwife it can be easier to get untangled with a third person present. Take along your partner, a friend or a doula (trained in assisting women in labour) for support.

‘My midwife was pro hospital births,’ says Jo, mum to Keir, one. ‘I had to push for a home birth. I found it easier to argue my case when my husband was there for back up. It also showed we’d thought about it as a couple.’

Being informed is crucial. Before your appointment, write down points you want to raise and spend time reading up on your birth choice, so you can explain clearly why it’s the right way for you. If you show you understand the pros and cons, your midwife is more likely to take you seriously.


Is she right?

Remember, your midwife works with women like you every day. Consider that sometimes you don’t always know best. Listen to what she has to say, ask questions and take time to reflect. You may find she is right after all.

‘I was really scared about giving birth and wanted an epidural,’ says Kate, mum to Joe, 18 months. ‘My midwife was very keen on natural labour and felt I could do without one. In the end my son was born so quickly, there was no time for an epidural and I gave birth naturally with just gas and air. I was so proud of myself and realised my midwife was right after all; I could do it.’

Ask to be referred

You are entitled to give birth wherever you choose, although services are often pushed to deliver on this. ‘If after discussing your concerns with your midwife you are still unhappy, talk to the community midwifery manager,’ says Denise. ‘Or contact the head of midwifery.’ She may be able to reassign you to another midwife at her discretion.

If a medical reason is being cited as to why you can’t have the birth of your choice, ask to be referred to see an obstetrician.

‘I wanted a water birth in a birthing centre but my midwife was worried because I have problems with my sight due to a hereditary condition,’ says Kirstie, mum to Dolly, four, and Ralph, two. ‘She was unsure whether pushing for too long might affect my vision and wanted me to be on the labour ward. I asked to be referred to the consultant, who said there was no reason why I couldn’t go to the birthing centre for a natural delivery.’

Finally, if you have exhausted all diplomatic attempts to resolve your concerns, you may consider an official complaint. ‘Every NHS Trust will have a complaints procedure you can follow,’ says Denise. ‘Call the Trust or look on its website for details.’

Be firm but flexible

Whether you disagree with your midwife during your pregnancy or even in labour, remember it’s your body and it’s your baby. If you feel really strongly, follow your instincts; they’ll often be right.

‘When I was induced with my youngest daughter, I had my waters broken and was going to be put on an oxytocin drip,’ says Emma, mum to Bridie, four, and Margaret, 20 months. ‘I told the midwife I was already having contractions and didn’t want the drip as it would make them more painful.

‘The midwife wasn’t happy. I felt I wasn’t being heard. I stuck to what I wanted, but with contractions getting longer and stronger it was hard. Thankfully my decision was right and I gave birth an hour later.’

However, if there are complications, listen to the professional and follow their advice.

Go private

Generally the midwife who delivers your baby won’t be the one you saw in pregnancy. If this matters to you, you could hire an independent midwife. It’s costly, but it could give you a better chance of having the birth you’d like. A birth doula can also be a great support and help keep your birth plan on track.

Try not to stress

‘I planned a home birth but after 44 hours in labour I demanded to be taken to hospital,’ says Nancy, mum to Alfie, nine months.
Births often don’t go as hoped and it’s the baby who ends up deciding where it will be born and whether plans are followed. But remember any birth that ends with a healthy baby and mum is ultimately a good birth!