How to cope with pregnancy problems

Pregnancy is supposed to be one of the most magical times in your life but what if it’s not? Here’s how to cope when having a bump gives you the hump  

Pregnancy is supposed to be one of the most magical times in your life. But for every pregnant woman who drifts through her nine months wearing a smug smile and that famous glow, there’s another who, quite frankly, would like her old life back now, thanks very much.

No-one likes to admit that she hates being pregnant, but it’s more common than you might think. After all, it gets in the way of normal life, makes you feel lousy and turns you into public property. So how do you cope when the big B-day can’t come soon enough?

Sick and tired

For many women, pregnancy is a miserable experience from day one. ‘Morning sickness hit me like a ten-ton truck,’ admits Clare Walker, 28, from London, mum to four-month-old Ben. ‘I went from sheer delight at being pregnant to weeping in the bathroom with my head down the toilet.’

Factor in sore breasts, dizziness and bone-aching exhaustion, and it’s no surprise that early pregnancy is often far from magical. ‘The first months can be really tough,’ agrees midwife Claire Friars, who runs the Tommy’s Pregnancy Information Service. ‘Your body’s awash with hormones and your baby is draining you of energy.’

If you’re suffering, be gentle on yourself. Try to set aside plenty of time in the morning – leaping out of bed and racing to work will make your nausea worse. It’s also worth sharing your secret, if only with your boss (so she doesn’t think you’re permanently hungover) and your best friend, so she can dispense sympathy.

It’s worth trying natural remedies, too – ginger is famous for settling sicky stomachs, so nibble a ginger biscuit before you get up and drink ginger tea throughout the day.

But above all, hang in there. The sickness and tiredness will pass, usually around the end of the first trimester. ‘Most women would agree this bit of pregnancy is the worst,’ says Claire.

Where’s the fun?

Pregnancy can seem like every fun-loving girl’s worst nightmare. You can’t drink, can’t hang around in smoky clubs, you can’t even eat what you like (no more rare steak, pate, or soft cheese). ‘I feel left behind because I can’t go out drinking with my mates,’ admits Laura Rhys, 19, from Wrexham, 18 weeks pregnant.

‘We’re not saying you can’t enjoy yourself,’ says Claire, ‘but your health has a big impact on your baby. If you didn’t have the best health habits before you were pregnant, this new, long list of dos and don’ts can seem pretty daunting.’

Instead of resenting your new lifestyle, try seeing it as the ultimate detox. If you’ve tried to give up smoking/drinking/chocolate before but never quite made it, what better motivation could you have for trying again? Your midwife can put you in touch with support groups for giving up smoking and alcohol, so ask for help if you’re finding it tough.

It’s also important not to be too hard on yourself. So you had a glass of wine with supper? Don’t beat yourself up. Over the space of nine whole months, small slips like this barely count. And keep it real.

‘It’s amazing what’s been rumoured to harm unborn babies, from swimming to dyeing your hair,’ says Claire. ‘Before believing the latest scare story, check the facts with your midwife.’ Why deny yourself yet another luxury without good reason?

Okay, so nine months of enforced saintliness can be pretty tiring. But once your baby’s born and you’ve finished breastfeeding, you’ll have the perfect excuse for the mother of all parties. Order that champagne now!

Body blows

You knew getting pregnant meant getting bigger. But in the first trimester, you look porky rather than pregnant. And then, when your bump arrives, it’s not the compact little curve you’d envisaged but a vast beach ball that draws gasps from strangers. And don’t even get us started on the stretchmarks…

‘I thought having a bump would be a good excuse to relax about my figure for once,’ says Janine Regan, 29, from Stockport, 31 weeks. ‘It’s not. I feel fat and hideous, I’ve got spots, and my partner admits he doesn’t fancy me with my bump.’

Your new figure, with all its (ahem) quirks, can take some getting used to. Make it better by buying flattering clothes that fit well – squeezing into too-tight jeans or slobbing round in your partner’s tracksuit pants won’t do much for your body image.

There’s loads of good-value, bump-friendly fashion out there (try H&M and TopShop). And a properly fitted maternity bra can work wonders, too.

Remember the benefits, as well. Your waist’s disappeared but look at those boobs! Bigger breasts are one of the great bonuses of pregnancy – along with stronger nails and glossier hair. If the pregnancy glow is eluding you, give it a kick-start by pampering yourself with a new haircut or a facial.

Hard though it might be, try not to compare yourself with others. ‘Everyone carries differently,’ says Claire. ‘If your bump’s huge, it doesn’t mean your baby is – it’s more likely to be down to your height and the position your baby’s in.’

Alien invasion

Having another person growing, kicking and hiccupping within you can be strange, uncomfortable and creepy. And as your baby gets bigger, it feels as though your insides are being squeezed aside to make room.

‘I can’t sit, walk, sleep, breathe, even eat comfortably – and it’s driving me nuts,’ confesses Nikki Rogers, 22, from Maidstone, Kent, 34 weeks.

Some women never learn to love the feeling of their babies moving, but tell yourself that it’s a good sign – proof that your baby is alive and kicking. ‘He’s just developing muscle tone ready for life after birth,’ says Claire.

Learn to recognise the change in his movements, from first flutters to nudges, flips and fully-fledged thumps. It may be spooky but it is special.

To make yourself more comfy, sit up straight. Slouching reduces the space in your abdomen, making everything more uncomfortable. It can also stop your baby from getting into the best position for labour.

And don’t suffer in silence – find an antenatal group where you can swap horror stories about 3am rib-kicking and indigestion. It helps to know you’re not suffering alone.

Talking nonsense

Why is that, once you reveal you’re pregnant, the rest of the world assumes your only topics of conversation are baby-related? We still like shooting the breeze, passing on gossip, telling naughty jokes – hell, even chatting about the weather would be nice…

If constant baby talk is driving you mad, be honest. When you’re asked, ‘How are you?’, say, ‘Gagging for a decent baby-free conversation.’ There’s nothing like being direct for getting results!

You could also impose a time limit. ‘Give your friends 15 minutes to bombard you with questions,’ says Claire, ‘then smile and say, ‘Okay, that’s enough baby talk. Let’s talk about something else.’

Try to see other people’s point of view, too. It’s natural that they’re curious, and at least they care enough to take an interest. A good tactic with other mums is to ask questions, instead of letting them do the asking.

They’ll enjoy dispensing advice and you’ll enjoy the spotlight being taken off you. And, you never know, you might learn something!

When it’s more than just a bad day

Few pregnant women make it through the whole nine months on a constant high. But if you can really find no joy at all in your pregnancy, you may have antenatal depression, which affects 10% of pregnant women. Warning signs include:

• Feeling negative, low, numb, empty and despondent

• Lacking confidence and self-esteem

• Feeling guilty or excessively anxious

• Having problems sleeping

‘If you think you’re depressed, get help from your GP or midwife,’ says Claire. ‘It’s a proper illness, nothing to be ashamed of, and can be treated very effectively.’

Five reasons why it’s not so bad, honest!

1. You don’t have to hold your tummy in.

2. Sex is better (when you can face it).

3. Strangers smile at you and offer you their seat.

4. You’re at the start of a great new adventure.

5. You don’t have periods.