Five reasons to sort out your relationship before your baby arrives

Smart engaged A-listers wouldn’t head down with aisle without a pre-nup – a pre-wedding agreement detailing exactly what they expect out of their marriage and even their divorce.

But what many couples (celebs included) don’t realise is that entering new parenthood – the ‘nappy zone’ - is just as life-altering. ‘Your pregnancy offers the perfect chance to examine your expectations before life is turned upside down by a baby,’ says psychologist and life coach Gladeana McMahon. Here’s why you need a ‘pre-nap(py)’ agreement.

Reason #1 Because you can’t read each other’s minds

‘We all tend to go through life assuming everyone thinks like we do… until we realise they don’t,’ says Gladeana. So while you may be twin souls when it comes to films and holidays, you and your partner might have very different ideas about parenthood. ‘We often model our parenting style on our own parents,’ she says. ‘But if you come from very different families, that can lead to conflict.’ Does your ‘new man’ secretly think changing nappies is your job alone? Does he think babies should be left to cry? Finding out now and talking through your feelings will avoid conflict later.

Reason #2 Because soon his parents will be your baby’s grandparents.

From now on, his family are probably going to be a much bigger part of your life. Relate counsellor Paula Hall says, ‘It’s wise to negotiate how much time you are going to spend with the in-laws. The last thing you want when you’ve just had a baby is people demanding cups of tea or telling you how to feed your newborn. The words: “I think it’s time you went home now” will sound better coming from his mouth rather than yours.’

Reason #3  Because eventually he’ll go back to work

Before your partner heads out of the door to work, leaving you with the baby, you need to manage his expectations of you as a stay-at-home mum. ‘New parenthood is a steep learning curve and it’s often hard to do anything else,’ says Gladeana. Warn him that dinner won’t be on the table when he gets home. After all, you can shut down a computer but a baby’s a bit more demanding. Introduce him to the takeaway menus, the vacuum and the duster.

Reason #4 Because life needs to be fair

‘Having a child affects every single area of your life, including division of labour,’ says Paula. If your baby wakes at night you may need to find a way to share the load.  If you are breastfeeding, maybe he can settle the baby afterwards, or change nappies. Alternating lie-ins works well for many couples.
And if he has a hobby that takes him away every weekend, don’t assume he’ll ditch it instantly the baby is born. ‘There’s no reason why either of you should give up your passions,’ says Gladeana, ‘but you need to negotiate so you both feel it is fair. His weekend with the boys should mean you can equally head to the spa with your friend.’

Reason #5 Because it’s not 3am

New parenthood is exhilarating, emotional, thrilling… and exhausting. Yes, even more tiring than waking up 10 times a night to go to the loo, like you did during pregnancy. ‘Relentless exhaustion can make communication difficult,’ says Paula. So talk now, before the night shift starts.