How to tell people you are pregnant

From your mum to your boss, your pregnancy will affect many people in different ways, so tailor your announcement accordingly

From the tears of joy in your partner’s eyes to the excited shrieks from colleagues, everyone reacts differently to the words ‘I’m pregnant’. And some people surprise you completely. ‘You can never predict how others will react to your news,’ says Yasmeen Arden, a psychological coach who specialises in working with parents-to-be (happyhour.org.uk). ‘Having a baby means huge change, for you and the people around you, and some may find it unsettling.’ In other words, not everyone will feel like opening the champagne when you tell them your news.

Breaking it to... the father
Agreeing to start a family is one thing, but the reality – he’s going to be a daddy – is a different matter altogether.

How to do it
Er, not like this… ‘I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant, I called my husband at work and screamed it down the phone,’ remembers Louise Hope, 38. ‘Unfortunately, he was just about to go for lunch with a client and had to hang up mid-conversation. He told me later he burst into tears as their starters arrived.’

‘Resist the temptation to blurt it out,’ says Yasmeen. ‘Even if the pregnancy was planned, your partner is bound to reel from the news for some time. Pick a moment when neither of you has to be anywhere and give him time and space to digest the news. Apart from anything, you’ll both remember the moment for the rest of your lives, so make it special.’

Breaking it to... your parents
Discovering they’re going to be grandparents can be bittersweet news. Yes, they’ll have a mini-you to play with, but the word ‘Grandma’ = officially old.

How to do it
‘Parents always worry, so tell them calmly and confidently and they’re likely to respond the same way,’ advises Yasmeen.

You don’t even have to use words. ‘I slipped a copy of our 12-week scan into a card,’ remembers Nadia Willis, 28. ‘My parents wept with joy when they worked out what it was.’

Once the news has sunk in, Yasmeen recommends following up with some quality time. ‘That way you’ll reassure them their little girl may have grown up, but she still needs her mum and dad.’ Especially when it comes to paying for the big-ticket baby purchases!

Breaking it to... the in-laws
Regardless of how well you get on with your partner’s parents, you carrying their grandchild changes everything.

How to do it
Prepare yourself for the hysteria. ‘In the space of a few words, you’ll go from  being their son’s partner, to the incubator carrying their precious grandchild,’ says Yasmeen. ‘My mother-in-law couldn’t stop crying when we told them,’ says Liz Lawton, 29. ‘And my father-in-law started treating me like I was an invalid. For one scary moment I thought to myself, “What have I done?”

‘Even when people are thrilled for you, their reaction can be overwhelming,’ says Yasmeen. ‘The trick is to give them something to focus on besides you,’ she says. ‘Suggest, for example, that they might want to pick out a cot or help you buy the buggy and they’ll be less likely to fuss and fret.’

Breaking it to... your siblings
You’ve always been one of the kids, so the news that you’re crossing to the other side and becoming a parent can be freaky.

How to do it
‘Announcing you’re pregnant instantly alters your role in the family,’ says Yasmeen. ‘Your brothers may feel like they can’t kid around with you any more, while sisters can feel alienated and even jealous.’
Which was what worried Heather Moore, 36. ‘I was anxious about telling my elder sister I was pregnant,’ she says. ‘I knew she’d be happy for me, but I also knew it would hit home the fact she was still single.’

‘Be sensitive, while emphasising the positives,’ says Yasmeen. ‘Involve your sister in your pregnancy by reminding her she’s going to be an auntie, for example.’ You might want to start negotiating her babysitting fee!

Breaking it to...your best friend
No more drunken nights out, no one to watch re-runs of Sex And The City with, no more girly shopping… that’s how she’ll see it, anyway.

How to do it
‘Suggest dinner or a nice walk, and tell your friend just how excited you are to share the news with her of all people,’ suggests Yasmeen. Remember, though, her reaction is likely to be mixed.

‘My best friend saw my pregnancy as a betrayal of our friendship,’ says Marie Carter, 39. ‘She kept making cutting remarks about me no longer having time for her.’
Be honest from the outset, says Yasmeen. ‘Yes, there will be changes to your friendship, but if anything you’ll need your friend’s support more than ever,’ she says. ‘Share your fears with her and schedule quality time together so she doesn’t feel alienated. If she’s still not happy for you it’s time to question that friendship anyway.’

Breaking it to... a friend who can’t get pregnant
If your friend is struggling to have a baby, it’s safe to say the news you’ve jumped the queue won’t be best received.
How to do it
‘Your friend is going to find out so you may as well be honest,’ says Yasmeen. This is one occasion when it’s best not to tell them in person, though. ‘It’s more sensitive to phone,’ says Yasmeen. ‘That way they won’t have to hide their reaction and can cry if they need to. Be honest and let them know how awkward you feel telling them and that you know they’ll have mixed emotions.’

Petra Short, 41, was pleasantly surprised when she broke the news to her pal. ‘My friend had just had her sixth miscarriage when I found out I was pregnant,’ she says. ‘She had to fight back tears when I told her, but she was amazing – especially when I asked her to be the godmother.’
‘The key here is to minimise your gushing,’ says Yasmeen. And don’t expect any sympathy over your morning sickness, either.

Breaking it to... your boss
If there’s one person who won’t be thrilled to hear about your impending motherhood, it’s your employer.

How to do it
‘Start by knowing your rights,’ says Yasmeen. ‘That way if your boss does react negatively you can be confident about your position.’ Something Helen Saunders, 26, wishes she’d done. ‘I found out I was pregnant two weeks after I started a new job,’ she says. ‘My boss made me feel incredibly guilty to the extent I was almost apologising.’

The trick is to be assertive from the start, says Yasmeen. ‘Keep everything above board by scheduling a meeting to deliver the news,’ she says. ‘Reassure them you intend to work to the best of your ability and discuss matters such as maternity leave with HR.’ Then start counting the days to your leaving do!