Your complete guide to sex during pregnancy

Q Will sex harm my baby?  

No. Now you’re with bump, you may not find in very comfy having your partner on top of you but you can rest assured that your baby’s completely fine. She’s safely cocooned in amniotic fluid inside the tough muscular layer of your uterus. And your uterus is securely sealed off from the outside world by a mucus plug in your cervix.

Q Can the baby hear us?

Yes, but he won’t have a clue what’s going on! If the thought of Junior eavesdropping really puts you off, remind yourself that most unborn babies spend a lot of time asleep.

Q I can’t bear the thought of sex right now. Is that normal?

Absolutely. Many of us go right off the idea in the early month, and again in late pregnancy. Some of us feel no desire to get our knickers off for the whole nine months. Don’t beat yourself up about your lack of libido – but do remember to explain to your partner how you feel.

Q Am I a sex maniac?

Don’t worry, an increased libido is common, especially in the middle trimester. And is it any wonder? All that extra blood flow is swelling your vagina, labia and breasts, meaning they’re much more easily aroused.

Q Why doesn’t my partner want sex?

It’s not uncommon for a man’s libido to dip at some point in his partner’s pregnancy. And, bless him, he has got a lot of adjusting to do- to your changing shape and to his new perception of you as a mother, as well as a lover.

Give him time and get physically close in other ways – mutual masturbation maybe, and certainly plenty of cuddles.

Q Will my partner still fancy me when I’m huge?

We don’t have a crystal ball in the P&b office, so we’re not offering any predictions on that one, but we can tell you that many pregnant women are gobsmacked by how turned-on their partners are by their blooming bodies.

Q Will my orgasm harm my baby?

No. Your uterus contracts during and after orgasm but it doesn’t mean you’re about to go into labour! Your baby will probably enjoy the gentle rocking of these contractions, as well as the flood of feel good hormones that wash through your body after orgasm.

Q If I get any infection will it harm my baby?

No. Tucked away safely inside the amniotic sac, your baby is safe from any infectious organisms that may enter your vagina.

>> 50 pregnancy sex facts
>>Getting down to business with a bump

Q How do you do it with a bump in the way?

With a sense of humour! Have fun trying things out. Positions to try include spoons (lying on your sides with him scooped in behind you), you on top, and him sitting on a (sturdy!) chair with you on his lap. Enjoy!

Q Are some positions safer than others?

Not really, though you will find some are less enjoyable than others. Most of us can’t stomach any kind of pressure on our bump and positions that allow deep penetration can be more uncomfortable than usual.

Q Is anal sex still OK?

Yes, but it’s worth knowing that pregnancy does slacken the muscles around your anal sphincter, so, if you have piles, anal sex could make them worse. It might also lead to problems such as anal incontinence.

Q What’s this about pelvic-floor exercises?

Well, quite apart from making labour easier and helping you recover quicker from the birth, they can do wonders for your sex life! Toned pelvic-floor muscles help you reach orgasm more easily-and can give your partner serious pleasure too. How do you do them? Check out our Ask our midwife page.

Q Will my orgasms feel the same?

They’ll be even better! With those supersensitive nether regions of yours, your orgasms are likely to come faster and feel stronger than ever before.

Q Will intercourse feel the same for him?

Not necessarily – but that’s by no means a bad thing. All that extra blood swelling your genitals should give him extra pleasure, too: he may find he’s a snugger fit inside you.

Q Will oral sex be different for him?

Probably. Your vaginal secretions increase in pregnancy and smell and taste different. Try not to take it personally if that puts him off.

Q Why am I having so many naughty dreams?

Put it down to those rampaging hormones of yours- believe it or not, you’re producing as much oestrogen in one day as you normally do in three years! No wonder your journeys to the land of Nod are getting a trifle steamy.

Q Doesn’t having sex late on in pregnancy trigger labour?

It is true that the spasms caused by orgasm do get stronger the more  pregnant you are but, unless your body’s otherwise primed for labour ( and your cervix is “ripe”, as the doctors charmingly put it), no amount of rumpy-pumpy is going to cause a mad dash to the labour ward.

Once you go overdue, however, there is some evidence to suggest that semen could help soften your cervix – so if you’re both up for it, give it a try…

Q I’ve heard my breasts may leak milk during sex. Is that true?

Yes, it does happen, although probably not as often as you’ve been led to believe. In late pregnancy, sexual stimulation can cause a few drops of colostrums (a kind of “premilk”  your baby needs in the first days after birth) to leak from your breasts. It’s a tad messy but otherwise completely harmless. If you don’t like it, declare your breasts off limits during foreplay.

Q I’m almost due and the head is engaged. If we have sex, will his penis hit the baby?

No, your baby will be quite safe. But you may find it more comfortable to avoid positions that allow deep penetration.

>> Pre labour relationship advice
>>Your love life after the birth

AND AFTER THE BIRTH

Q How soon can I ‘resume relations’?

Ignore the old ‘It depends on whether you’re in a public ward or a private room’ joke! Even if you had an easy delivery, with no tears or stitches, you’ll probably feel a bit sore and tender for a while.

Many women prefer to wait at least until their lochia (post-birth bleeding) has stopped and they’ve had their six-week check from their GP.

Q Can I still do it if I’ve had a caesarean?

Yes (after about four weeks) but avoid any pressure on your abdomen – not the right time for the missionary position!

Q Do I have to have sex by my six-week check?

No,- it’s not a race! Ignore what other mums say they’re up to (bet they’re exaggerating, anyway) and take things at your own pace.

Q Will it hurt?

You may feel a little tender but, chances are, it won’t be nearly as bad as you expect. The idea of it is far worse than the actual act – often, it’s a relief just to get it over with!

Q Will it feel different?

We’re not going to tell you your first post-birth tumble will set off sexual fireworks – you’re bound to feel anxious and that’s never the best turn-on, is it? You may also find that your vagina is drier than it used to be, so use lubrication and take it slowly.

Q Will it get better?

Absolutely – as your body heals and your hormones settle, you’ll find it much easier to relax and enjoy yourself.

Q Is there anything I should know about?

Well, you may find you can’t bear him to touch your breasts – either because they’re full and sore from feeding or because, in your mind at least, they’ve become baby feeders. Sex can also make your breasts leak (well, OK, gush!) It helps to keep two things handy: a cloth and a sense of humour.

Q What if I really don’t want to have sex?

Well,  you wouldn’t be alone! Your body and mind have switched to motherhood mode now and it can be difficult to switch back into lover mode, especially if there’s a newborn snuffling in her Moses basket by your bed. Give you new-mum hormones time to quieten down and stop worrying about it.

Q Will I ever want to? (Will I ever crave for sex after having a baby?)

Frankly, given the choice between sex and sleep, most mums with babies under six months would be snoring in a flash! But, though it may not seem possible now, your libido will creep back and you’ll soon be trading that winceyette for a sexy spot of silk.

Q What if he doesn’t want to sleep with me? ( Will my partner have an appetite for sex after the childbirth?)

Some partners find it hard to contemplate sex for a while – seeing you in labour or nursing a newborn can turn some men right off. Be patient, reassure him with regular cuddles and try to set aside time for the two of you to be together- without the baby.

Q How do you find time for sex when you’re looking after a baby? (Will I find time for sex after having a baby?)

Plan ahead! Make a ‘date’ with each other during the baby’s nap, ask a friend to take your baby to the park – forget spontaneity; parent sex is all about scheduling.

Q Can I stop the pelvic floor exercises now?

No, no, no! Your pelvic floor takes a battering during labour. Keep squeezing for all you’re worth – if you need motivating, envisage a future lined with incontinence pads…

Q Does childbirth make your vagina go slack?

Well, it did have a lot of stretching to do to let your baby’s head out, so, initially, yes. But if you keep doing those pelvic-floor exercises, your ‘sex muscles’ will get back in shape.

Q What’s all this about contraception? (Do I need to go back on the Pill)

Breastfeeding does have a contraceptive effect but it’s not 100 per cent effective, especially as your baby starts going longer between feeds. So sort out some reliable contraception as soon as possible – then you, rather than Mother Nature, can decide when you’re ready to face pregnancy again.

Our panellist Nicki Lomas says:

My partner and I had sex up until the end of my second trimester. But my libido has vanished since my bump has grown and I just don’t feel comfortable having sex anymore – though my partner would if he could!

Our panellist Emma Warren says:

I’m quite happy to have as much sex as I can during pregnancy. My partner and I are enjoying it and not letting my bump come between our sex lives!

>> 50 pregnancy sex facts
>> After birth sex