Secrets of super friendly toddlers

Being sociable will help your toddler grow up brimming with confidence – here’s how you can help her be super-friendly!

With a dazzling smile and cheerful “hiya!” Emily Mott, two, bounds through the doors of her local mother and toddler group, singles out a potential playmate and invites her to a game of hide and seek. Delighted, the little girl accepts and they play happily together all morning.    

“Emily is so good natured, she makes friends wherever she goes,” says her mum, Clare, 35, also mum to Rebecca, 11, and Calvin, four weeks. “She loves hanging out with other toddlers and is always the first to break the ice. She even says hi to other kids in the supermarket!”

Everyone knows that toddlers are curious little things. They love to interact, are fascinated by other people and enjoy making friends. “We all want our little ones to be liked,” says Dr Beverly Feldman, author of Kids Who Succeed (Fawcett Crest).

“The more attention she gets from others, the more confident she’ll become. And one of the best ways for her to make friends is to show an interest in others.”

At twenty-one months, Rhona makes friends easily, saying hello to strangers and charming other kids with her boundless energy. Her mum, Sarah, 32, from Oxford, says, “Rhona knows how to engage people in activities. If a friend comes over, she’ll ask them if they want to draw. If they say no, she’ll come up with another idea.”

Every child, even those who are shyer than Rhona, can be taught good social skills. Dr Feldman believes parents should give priority to helping their toddlers become sociable. “Friendliness leads to a successful social life – and that builds confidence and self-esteem,” she says.

So how can you help your toddler to be super-sociable? The good news is – it’s down to you! As her parent, you were your baby’s first playmate – the first one to laugh at her antics and respond to her babbled conversation.

Now, your encouragement (and reassurance) can help her reap the benefits of being friendly. “Learning to socialise is a lifelong experience and the confidence she gains from early friendships will stand her in good stead as she grows up,” says Dr Feldman.

Provide plenty of play

Providing lots of play opportunities doesn’t have to mean leaving the house. Invite friends over with their toddlers. If your friends don’t have kids, join a mother and toddler group. Provide lots of imaginative toys such as crayons, Play-Dough, building blocks, cars or dressing-up clothes – then let them run riot!

If there’s a squabble over a toy, try to resist getting involved. Unless there’s the danger someone could get hurt, it’s better to encourage them to work out their own differences.

Show affection

Give your toddler plenty of cuddles, kisses and reassurance to let her know that you love her, even when she makes mistakes. “Toddlers who receive lots of attention from their parents are more open and affectionate to others,” says Dr Feldman. “This is because a child who knows she’s loved finds it easier to share something of herself.”

If you’re busy and she wants something ‘right now’, look her in the eyes and tell her you’ll help her when you’ve finished what you’re doing. If she’s repeatedly ignored when she demands attention, she’ll get the message that she’s not important enough for your time and give off that vibe to others.

Encourage good manners

As she throws herself, and her lunch, to the floor proclaiming ‘Don’t want that!’ it may seem like a lost cause teaching your toddler manners, but a little effort now and you’ll reap the rewards later.

Of course, there will be days when she refuses to say hello to a neighbour or forgets to say thank you for a new toy – but try not to get too worried. Continue to encourage her, always practice good manners yourself, give plenty of praise and speak to her with respect, and she’ll learn to treat others the same way.

Set a good example

You can’t change a shy toddler into an extrovert overnight, but even the most withdrawn children can learn to be more outgoing. Speed up the process by setting a good example. Be cheerful, polite, chatty and smile lots.

Your little one will mimic you – after all, you’re the person she admires most in the world! Be patient – even the friendliest toddlers sometimes hide behind your skirt or throw a wobbly because they don’t want to share their toys. She’s not being rude or testing you – just exercising her toddler right to take things slowly!